This post is about nothing

This poem is about nothing
Nothing is more beautiful than nothing
The serenity of silence hold life's unlocked keys
The light loose lingering feeling you get when nothing leaves

Some people think that nothing isn't anything
But there's just pessimist
Because nothing really is something
Just ask any nonconformist

Some of my favorite memories
Happen when I'm swinging on a swing on tall trees
I wish the happiness I feel in this moment would seize
The breeze puts me as ease, where would I be without friends like these?

Ever since I was little a lad
I was seldom happy, yet was  never sad
Never led a group but never followed a fad
Nothing made me satisfied, nothing made me glad

When something hard was over I felt relieved
But it was always shortlived and soon I was decieved
The system failed me, I once believed
But I know now it's takes more than dreams to succeed

I wish life's answers were written on my hands
And it's solutions on my sleeves
Like the hourglass leaking grains of sand
Happiness is sometimes left for time to achieve

Nothing irritates me more than a hypocrite
But some times I feel as if I'm the biggest creep
And nothing negates me more than my own words
We are surrounded by false pretences and fake rewards

We lived in the lime light and hid when the sun was shining
Happiness is in unfabricated truths and whats under the lining
My mind is not blind, what's the point in confining
The truth is in front of us, its realism is defining

Nothing is like stroke of genius but its more like a flast of lightening
Nothing is intelligent and brilliance is frightening
The morning sun rises the day is brightening
Yet ignorance is darkness and it's bliss is enlightening

In a world where everything is symbolic of something else
Open you eyes now, what does nothing symbolize?
Nothing is everything that ever was surmised
Lies compared, your lips eyes and thighs, the lows and the highs

But I guess to be great is to be misunderstood
So said emerson
And I'd try to explain it if i could
But maybe nothing is different in every person

And we know more time will pass
A lot more nothing will elapse
Bridges fall and walls will collapse
Maybe you too will find happiness perhaps

Some say nothing lasts forever
But nothing has no end so it'll go on forever
Or maybe it has yet to begin
But in the end it'll be the same place it started
Right in the middle of things

I changed through time, through eyes that could never bend
To the death I'd defend because around you I don't need to pretend
This happiness I can't quite comprehend
I know its right because through time it transcends
I find happiness in nothing and thats where it ends
But to me nothing is everything that's why I find happiness in my friends

17 Months

17 months of inconsistent chantings and occasional remunerations, I have finally managed to resurrect this blog. I feels strange to blog again. It is like a retired astronaut going back up on space or like a domesticated iguana heading back to the wild again. 

It is rather electrifying I must say.

During this 17 months of silence in the blogosphere, I have learned to blog offline, e.g., on the wall behind my forehead, unto the synapses of my friends through aural means, through caressing my dogs or behind the chair.

And, I have learned that 'blogging' in life has its moments and you would still need to resort back to technology. It helps when you can link proper imageries, videos and resources for referencing purposes without parachuting your points along with saliva. It is also helpful that you can draft, save and re-edit your work wherein real life even if you attempt to rephrase you cant undo what was said before.

As a token for the resurrection of 'Space for Fredbrication' which is now an 'undead' blog, I have made an oath that I will trade my blood and food (for thought) for the continuity of the Fredbrication. Let's pray that I would have the determination for that.

Anyway, here's a little haiku I just spat out of my cortex.

"Can Opener"

Ripping away walls
That are obstacles to goal
Break adversity


F-off

Stupid questions? Smart questions?

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?

How does one address to a smart question? Can he reply with a stupid answer?

Some questions are meant not to be answered, then is it still a question itself?

How stupid is a stupid question, when there is only measurement for intelligence but none for stupidity? Or does it work in parellel?

Why is an alarm clock going "off" when it actually turns on?

If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does mineral water that has "trickled through mountains for centuries" go out of date next year?
Why do they call it taking a dump? Shouldn't it be leaving a dump?

How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dying?

Why oh Why?

Rude or Be-ruded

I bet all of you have encountered this before, meeting someone who is utterly rude and at times ridiculously unreasonable which then leads to the question that, how can a human be such a bitch?

My mind usually comes to a quick analysis on entities like this when I met any of them personally, they might be high in their ego-boost, a point to prove, you might accidentally begrudged this person when you were 6 in the kindergarten, etc etc, there might be many reasons...

But i cant find a reason why someone can still be so rude even under the pressure of public observation, say in the middle of the cinema Q and says hey, "I don't like your shirt (pointing at a Chelsea Jersey some poor guy is wearing), go get a change"

And i really don't understand why someone could actually backdown on this kinda 'request'

As that poor guy really just literally ran away with his partner.. and wow..

If he could have at least show some guts to retaliate, I am more glad than willing to assist him in a polite-manners.


Really.. this kinda ppl and that kinda ppl kinda sicken me a little while..

In this case, I screw the old saying of 'One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness'.

If i was the one wearing that blue jersey, I will pay him an eye for an eye.

Making money

There are so many ways to earn a living, from hunting, cooking, prostitution, to a more sophisticated method such as selling ideas, knowledge to even selling virtual space (websites).

With the due upcoming hike in daily expenses and all, many thought of growing their own 'business tree' by looking for a solution or an alternative to what they have been doing ever since to earn some butter money.

Some resolve to MLM, some to additional freelance work, some keep hoping around into diff corps.

Well, this is how the financial world is growing at the moment, for the fresh generation like us.

You see any tiny hole that you might be able to squeeze something out of it, you try.

Well, I wonder who gets the greener side of it from the sudden burst of talent in the market.


Finance is the art of passing currency from hand to hand until it finally disappears.

Wider horizon

Tomorrow will be my last day working @ Millennium Associates, it was fun working for/with them. Good experience for someone like me who is completely new to the Public Relation world to have some good 3 months of first hand battlefield experience in this particular industry.

Truthfully, I enjoyed my last 3 months here @ Millennium Associates (MA). They might still be young in terms of existence (formed roughly a year ago), but they're indeed an emerging lifeforce in the local PR industry. Experienced and skilled bosses in various areas, sharp senior execs and fairly fluid yet efficient workflow, it was a good learning opportunity for me.

I've learned that simple can be a beauty as attractive as complex. Clean, sharp, direct, proper, and accurate. Easier to say than done.

Overall, I think if i am to stay in the field of Public Relation, hmmm, I can't really tell what might happened to me, but I am sure that I won't be a big success. I tried to be simplistic in my approaches at time, but... overflowing with ideas/actions could be one of my many weaknesses.

Anyway, from next week onwards, i will be "unemployed" well, a freeman to permanent employment. While, I will be working on several freelance jobs (some already secured, some still pending). Little to my surprise, if I could secure all of the prospect deals, in terms of $, I will be earning more than my current monthly wages. Additionally, it would most probably take up 2 weeks of my time only.

How wonderful?

Hereby, another quote which I somehow managed to pull it out of my rusty and web-clogged memory storage and not able to remember who said it, here you go,

" A desk is a dangerous place from which to watch the world."

It narrowed your view perspective and hence... refrain your ambition and sets the limitation for yourself without knowing your own limits.


That's bad for health.

Happening week

This week has been fun and interesting for me, it is pretty much fast pace with many intriguing elements (both expected and unexpected).

First, I have broke my record in multitasking by operating 2 PCs, talking on the phone, massaging my dog with my legs, eating, and writing down notes at the same time. I am so regret that I couldn't find anyone to take a video on that.

Second, I went to the parliament this Monday!! Yay, I am no longer a parliament virgin! A few quick notes about our Malaysian Parliament -

• The security is super slack in my opinion - We can just drive in by saying "Encik, dalam ada meeting"
• In one of the buildings, there were no metal detector at the entrance, but metal detector at the exit... So, I suppose that's to prevent me from stealing pens from the parliament?
• When registering ourselves to get the tags, you just need to say you are here to arrange some conference, and they will award you with the "Khas" (Special) pass, where you will have the access to 70% of the area in the parliament
• There's free Wi-fi and free food in the parliament
• It's a smoking free zone with jail-free personnel walking around with cigarette on their hand

Third, our office got blew up by my colleagues... almost killed the server

Fourth, work is increasing with its density, and will needs to be responded in a way faster pace.

Fifth, my evil plan is working fine at the moment.

MUAHAHAHAhahaha..

Evil Plan

Someone I know once said this to me,

"A Goal without a plan is just a wish".


I had many wishes, some had been fulfilled, either through thorough planning or plain impulsive, I managed to manifest some of my wishes, dreams, to reality.

Recently, many of you might heard of, or know about this already; my evil plan to change the world has been undergoing hohoho, for few months.. and it is still running smooth.. hohoho

I am giving myself a deadline for this plan to be manifested, as A deadline is negative inspiration. Still, it's better than no inspiration at all.


STay tune!

Promises

A promise can sometimes be described as a pact, or a conceptual contract that indicates trust in action, exchange or provision between two entities. It could be a pact that render services or gift or devotes something desirable to the person intended.

A promise may also be vow or guarantee of any sorts.

There is always the argument of whether a promise would be vivid and unpractical if it isn't written down or evidenced in any form. Hence, the existence and occurrence of contracts, agreements, guarantor this, guarantor that, that has been reinforced by the legal world.

Well, little may we realized that, 80% (or more, based on my own natural observation :p) of the promises we made or granted weren't documented, and mostly are just verbal confirmation, and even more at times, assumptuous.

We made so many promises everyday, at times, not being able to remember about it all.

Have you ever remember making statements like, "I will come back to you in a minute" "I wont be late" "I will do this for you" "I will remember" "I will"

I will... How many I wills we stated every day? To be honest, I've lost count on my account. And how many of those promises we/I made, have I/we fulfilled? For your record, I believe I am below the borderline which is below 50-60%.

To some people, who possessed real good memories, a simple promise that has not been satisfied, might became the cause of begrudge, devastation, despair, or at times lost of friendship.

So, does that mean our memories at the expense of how much we can remember and recall is our worst enemy in neglecting the promises we made? To certain extend.. it is pretty vital. But it isn't the main cause.

We, are the cause. I've learnt so much through out my short but resourceful working life, where I learnt that even a promise as small and as simple as "I will off the light switch when I leave" reflects the degree of responsibility we treats life.

Recently, I have come to this realization that, those that are most slow in making a promise are the most faithful in the performance of it. They might be slow in coming to a decision, but they at least, they don't make rush promises that otherwise often would be revolved to a.. Blank promise.

Think, just think through about this.

When you think, do not spend too much time in it, just start from the beginning, follow the flow, once u reach a junction, if you can turn, turn, if you can't decide, stop.

Think about it another day.

If you have the time

Just give yourself a minute and think, how many times have you heard of this or reason yourself in this way?

"I will do it, if i have the time"

"I will take a look, if I have the time"

"I promise to bring her out, if I have the time"

"If I have the time, If I..."


It is useful and encouraging to use and think from the "if" angle, as the main objective of "IFs" is to forecast the possible outcomes, consequences, obstables, etc. However, at the same time if the feeling of attribution towards the obstacle is greater than the will to succeed the thoughts, the earlier idea often gets a rejection or ignored.

Meanwhile, too much of IFs often create an illusion and formed as an excuse for us to not change and react to things and phenomenon that would require changes otherwise.

Really, think about all these...

To end this short post, let me pull out a quote for you -

" Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
— Steven Wright"

Care, Consider, Care

Ever since young, maybe around primary school time, I have been praised as a caring person, where I think 2 steps (or more) ahead for others more than for my own well-being, way too often.

Some says, I am subtle in my caring manner, some says, I am blunt. And if you require an opinion from me, I guess it just comes natural. For those who thinks that I am subtle, it is because I chose to portray the tough side of me, the bright side of me in front of you. Well, for the other extreme, maybe I am just tactless at showing my care and concern at times.

I often portray myself to be slightly masculine, wild, or at times insensitive. Mainly due to the cultural structure and my upbringing.. however, if you know me slightly better, you might notice that i have eagle's sight, hyena's hearing,, whale's senses and a protector's will.

I do not know why and from where I cultivated the instinct of wanting to protect someone, something. In whatever field, be it sports, music, anything, I am always the underdog supporter, I always support the ones that no one or less people are fond of. And often than not, I think ahead for them, for those that are closer to me.

I dont drop tears, not easily, more like at all, but that doesn't mean i have a steel heart.

I agree that when someone accept some things doesnt mean you agree, or vice versa.

However, it's just me to care for you, even if it's not accepted, I might at times consider the worth of it, and yet, my only conclusion would still be...

continue to care.

and continue to be me.

Thin Sliced

8 years ago (maybe 9), when I first shave my hair bald (real bald, smooth & shiny), it was then I experience the wonder of "nothingness". When you have no hair, you receive more public/social attention, you have 1 less hassle to attend to (your hair!), you feels better under the hot sun and hot humid weather, and most importantly you looks intimidating!

At the age of 14-15, I really felt that it was so cool to be the one and only "stand-out" ones in the school. You could imagine that it is so easy to spot me (even if I am only a 5ft 6) during the daily outdoor assembly. Just look for something shiny, oh yea, you spotted me.

As a young, half naive and masculinely egoistic teenager at that time, I had the rebel in me to be different, I had the animal in me to be intimidating to others (outlook wise), and I had the jester in me in needs of attention. And... what's the best solution to seal the 3-in-1 deal none other than shaving my hair bald? As during the late early 2000 high school trend.. you have all your common spiky-aeroplane (fei kei tao) hair style, your goody goody center parting or 3-7 parting hairstyle, the over the ear length la la style that often got punished and cut by the disciplinarians and none.. really none (except for your occasional indian macha who shaved their head bald in due to some religious rituals) would shave your hair during that era in highschool.

Ever since then.. I would shave my head once in awhile, not just because of the attention, but really the wonder of having 1 less trouble to take care of. As I grow older, slowly adapting to the society and all, you see bald heads everywhere, it is nothing special anymore as compared to the old "high-school-only" horizon.

When I was 18 transiting to 19, I decided to grow my hair long... Long enough for me to braid and dread it. I had this weird childhood fantasy where I wanna have hairstyle like Bob Marley.


And at the age of 20 transiting to 21, I had my dream fulfilled...

However, after keeping it for 7 months, I went back to my "first love" - bald.

Throughout the years, some says I look like "Fred" the most when I am bald, some says bald doesnt suits me, some says they prefer me with a lil bit hair than none, some says they prefer my "bob marleys", etc. All in one, i receives mixed comments... Though most of them prefer my hair to be in the reign of "short"

So.. yea, instead of shaving it completely to 0, I had it thin sliced this time round.


Will post picture when i have the time soon.

Resurrection and more deep thoughts

After close to 10 months of death and decay, a shred of light sparks my impulsiveness to re-jolt my poetic engine and hence bring back life to my personal thoughts prison in the cyberspace - this blog that you're reading right now.

Alot has happened throughout the 10 months that i did not write or contribute any sort of literacy to the cyberspace. The world changed a little, the country that I am living in changes a little, my surroundings changes a little, my circle of friends changes a little, my thoughts and views of life changes a little, and most importantly, I have a heart now.

Over the past 10 months, little by little, some estranged compilation of emotions and thoughts has joint-in and embedded unto my new 'heart'. I now, possessed a second 'heart' which provides me the extra beats I need in order to listen, the extra bloodflow in order to sustain any consequences, and the extra surface to field my patience.

I believes that no matter how kind a person is, there is a limit to anything, that includes patience and faith. I do not differ from that belief, and hence by compartmentalizing my emotion strategically, I could assign my second "heart" just to deal with the limit I once have, not to absolute it, but to enlarge it.

I am not testing my faith, or rather, my patience for love. There is hardly any form of measurement for that to test. I am proposing here, is just a better usage of time, presence, and understanding of love.

Everyone knows what time is, but how many could describe and explain to me what exactly it is? It is a phenomenon that exceeds science, logic, and even mythical explanation (at times). No one in this world could provide you time, unless you're god or something equivalent. Time is one of the tools that the creator of the world gave us since our birth, for what? To exist, to be, and be used.

I can't give you the time you need, I can only control the time i have in this life which consequently means my presence to provide you space, if you ask for it.

Presence... Presence of someone, something at somewhere would definitely determine the flow of life. For example, if you see Michael Jackson appearing in your house, that leads to the occurrence of extraordinary consequences which would never happened if only you have the usual presences - your family, friends, and lovers. It is like the 'plus' in math, it not just depending on what is inducing, it also depends on how much, and what's more than math in this context, the timing.

When to be there, at the correct timing with the appropriate archetypes you are portraying is indeed a state of art by itself. You normally find these traits in the best speakers, performers, magicians or even politicians, according to Robert Graves, one of my fav poets. But what's ironic to what he said is that, around me, even the most insignificant individuals around are striving to perfect the art of physical propinquity. Your portray yourself not completely different but appropriately according to the crowd, settings, and most importantly the timing.

My current boss (one of them) is always lenient, from morning to evening. He looks like a very kind father to me, however, i notice the slight difference of his presence between the mornings and the evenings. Just slight. A slight frown in between his eyebrows that wandering why are we still in the office, and a slight frown in between his eyebrows that wandering why are we still on our breakfast. It is the same frown but diff implication, different tone, different timing, hence.. different impacts.

I am trying to understand love. But it would probably take up all my time, energy, etc to do that. Hence the special dedication of my second "heart". A separate segment of the mental "me" which delegated to deal with this ambition. Some wise guys once said, "Don't think or contemplate or whether are you in love or not, be in love." I agree with that statement, very much. However, I have more thoughts on top of that, I know that I am in love, I do love that someone, I try to limit my thinkings, but.. I still do not comprehend love. To me, it works similar to time.

Like time, you can't control it. You can't control when to love, when not to, it just happens and without knowing it, it could grow or it could go.

Like time, it is intangible unless you are implying meanings for it. Just like when human tried to "store" time by snapping photos, writing down notes, and trying to provide some sort of meanings to it to be remembered; love, we imply meanings for it with kisses, physical contacts, gifts, etc.

Like time, it is liquid and depending on how you shape (use) it, it produces different outcomes (feelings).

Like time, it is omnipresence (wherever, whoever, whatever, there's love)

Like time, you can't have it your way all the time.

But unlike time, you can sometimes bring back love.

Unlike time, it has multiple altitudes and could happened all at one go.

Unlike time, love can be contagious.

Unlike time, love can controls your life, while for time it cant control you, you just lose control over time.

Ok, enough of all these... Perhaps one day I should write a book, compiling these what so called "deep thoughts" which occur to my fore brain almost once every so often.

F

So, i've got a job

Seeing how seldom i updated my blog, it will not be suprised that it might 1 day be forgotten in the very near future. As its owner has currently found himself a job in a flash duration (got introduced on tues/wed and got through everything -> work on monday). Well, the job title isn't something flashy, and the name of the firm would probably be alien to most of you, anyhow, i am still gonna disclose it.

Job title: Data analyst
Company: Towers Perrin Crosby & Foster

Trust me, it's not a flashy job, both in nature and by name, however, in actual fact and in terms of practicality, i think I am currently on a trail that might lead me to an ancient forgotten Aztec Treassure chest or something more than that. The point is, it will in return provide me with more than enough knowledge on doing almost 60-80% of what i think is ideal for me. About the job, it's desk bound, and due to confidentiality and personal laziness i shall not disclose anything much more about the job description till i finally have the time to generate a template and then while contacting me personally, i may consider of disclosing it to you. :p

And yea, it's in KL downtown. KLCC is just directly behind me (my back is facing the window while on the desk), i am on the 33rd floor, i think my boss is cute-demanding-sharp all at a very reasonable level, i am having a number guessing game with jason (which i am still losing now due to experience but will not be in 1 month's time), i regretted shaving my beard/goattie as it's currently growing at an extremely fast rate (shaved the night before, grew out the second day, and at evening time, the surface is rough enough to witheld a tissue paper that just happened to fly and land on it), and yes, i now feel the pain of sardins.. it's pretty sad to be in "packs" when you chose not to.

So, the truth is

The truth is, I am currently bored out at the Uni's lab.

The truth is, I regretted on choosing to finish my masters via research/thesis.

The truth is, I love drinking, I can drink alot, but i am not an alcoholic.

The truth is, I have a mild condition sleeping disorder as I do not have fixed sleeping patterns/schedules.

The truth is, I always like to support and feel for the underdogs.

The truth is, I was once 88 at peak, 56 at the lowest, STILL 165 and should still be 154.

The truth is, I always suspect that i have huntington disease in me.

The truth is, I suck at starting a conversation.

The truth is, I think I am ok in the middle of a conversation.

The truth is, I AGAIN suck at ending a conversation.

The truth is, I am never good at deciding on anything that's not urgent.

The truth is, I have only a medium range of self-esteem (so try not to break it, :p)

The truth is, I think I am good at planning but I am better at doing it last minutely.

The truth is, if I can choose again, I will still pick psychology as my major.

The truth is, I have a fine pair of hands (physically, as in.. they looks good and fine) and i hate it cause it decreases the appearance of my musculinity.

The truth is, I used to love veges more than meat but not it's the complete reverse and i can see another reverse soon, in the near future.

The truth is, I think I will not be a good boyfriend, but a decent lover and a better husband (well, "i think")

The truth is, I have sharp sense of taste, as in.. i like everything that's sharp.

The truth is, I am a gamer and I am proud to admit it.

The truth is, I think girls that dislike boys who play games are relatively stereotypical in thinking.

The truth is, imo, learning curve of a game > what you learn at local malaysian colleges at times.

The truth is, I am a "Audio>Taste>Visual>Sense>Smell" person.

The truth is, I made this up because I am bored at packing my stuffs.

The truth is, the truth is.. I think I am gonna get home and vacuum up the place before i fly off tomorrow.

A Magician

For the past few months, i've been writing alot, mostly poetry and some short fictions. It has been posted or released in various artsy-classy forums and poetry related websites. Like always, i tried alot of different methods and ways to express my thoughts, ideas and sometimes my creativity with words and the whole point of structuring it. Writers in all forms are creators of meaningful literature and similar to many other professions which create and produce, they all served as an agent in decorating and inducing the world with more meanings and connections.

Many people once questioned me, of all forms of literacy, why poetry? why poems? Why not fiction or something more elaborated that will be more in-touch with the readers? The funny thing is, all these questions were asked by people who know me first and later about my writings, on the other hand, for those who know me through my writings, they normally have only 1 question, "when do i get the chance to meet you in person?". And so, i am left with 2 sets of questions after posting or disclosing my work to the work in some ways.

Well, why not fiction? The thing is.. in my perception i think fictions or anything around that length has a range of invisble boundaries and guidelines. In order to deliver your message or your writing in that formation, you need to be able to meet up with the reader's expectation, not exactly the level of literacy but how they assume the plot to flow along with. And the best fiction writers can create a mass flow of plots that makes you think that the unexpected twist is really "unexpected" whereas in actual sense it is just fraction of your blindspots. I still read fictions or novels whatever you love to call em, and like most readers i used to love the twists of the story (not neccesarily the climax of the fiction), as it provides you excitement and the whole sense of "wow! geez! i didnt expect that".Yeah, notice that i use the term "used to", as some of you might know that i tried fiction (as in writing 1) and still working on it. you know, when you wanna write or produce something in that mass, normally you have 2 ways of doing things, 1) you look at the big picture as in a rough outline, build the skeletons, etc and then you only you get to touch on the details, and that twist(s) are like joints of the skeletons and the organs are the characters of the story, 2) You start with something specific, like a person (normally the main character) or a place or an object or a theme and you start to add colors from that point on, it's a bit like seeding, you chose a spot plant the seed, and it grows up slowly from that point on, and the twist(s) are like the direction of the roots. Be it the first or the latter method, the creator already know what's going on at least inside his/her head. You will notice that authors who focused so much on the twists often produce extremely "wow" factor on creating the verge of diversion as the story line (the build ups) will normally lead you to a point where, the author can clearly see your blindspots, and therefore when he/she plunch a small pin in that area, you go "OMG! How did that happen?". So in a metaphorical manner, whether it's skeletonized or specifically seeded, fiction, is a pre-cook material. It's like spaghetti, pizzas, roasted chicken, curry noodles, you have the main staple, the sauces, the addons (veges, spices) and it has a form be it you recognize it or not.

Well, unlike fictions, poetry is more pure i would say, purer than sashimi, it's way raw than that, more like a fresh apple that you just plucked off the tree. Many would categorize poems into 2 big group, the structured and free phrased (non-structured). Well, the term "structure" over here mainly refer to the foundation and frame of the poem, not exactly the flow, the point, the meaning and as well as the words selection. You do not need to have a point to write a poem but you do need 1 to produce a fiction because it tells a story. Whereas instead of telling you something, a poem can be a question by itself, a statement, a creative expression using words and at times just spurs of a moment. You know, i am sure some of you would have experienced this when out of a sudden, maybe in a middle of your preparation for exams or in the movie, there's a phrase in your head popped out and like "heh, that sounds cool", and so.. unlike fiction where you will then trying to input that phrase and putting things together, you can just simply dumb the catchphrase you just got it out of your blended mind into a blank piece paper, search the feeling that helped you onto the first catch for the 2nd phrase, and before you know it, there's there. I don't know maybe it's just me, i get all the freedom i could get while i am writing a poem. However, the thing is, i can normally finish 1 in under 5 mins.. hmm.. Nonetheless i could spend like.. 30 mins or more staring at one of my own poems and digest the feelings and thoughts that i embedded into the poem when i written it there and then.

Now, for those who know me through my poems, hmm.. well i should be glad that after reading and accepting my work one way or another, you have the spur of the moment to want to meet me in person. However, I am confused at the level that, "why?". In my oppinion, maybe i am a little stereotypical in respond to this, but to me, the person that writes and the person you will be meeting up close will not be coherent in most manners. 1) we wont speak the way we write, 2) normally the essence of the poems are either the best or the worst of a situations and we dont carry ourselves like that in reality, 3) you lost the sense of freedom when 2 person met up close, and it somehow might expand the interaction into another dimension (which might be good), 4) maybe it's just me, i prefer to disclose myself that much through my work (that does not mean i dont have self-disclosure towards other people in person, just that i prefer to choose my own audience).

Now, back to the title of the post. Magicians are cool. There are not exactly a pure creator, unlike god, and just like poets we dont create works, we gather, diverse, and simply manifest something that excites.

Am i that evil?

Out of boredom and due to hours of journal readings and digesting, i decided to take up a test when i bumped onto my sis's webbie. And this is what i get...

Hmmmmmmmmmm...

You are The Devil

Materiality. Material Force. Material temptation; sometimes obsession

The Devil is often a great card for business success; hard work and ambition.

Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction. On the flip side, however, the card can be a warning to someone who is too restrained, someone who never allows themselves to get passionate or messy or wild - or ambitious. This, too, is a form of enslavement. As a person, the Devil can stand for a man of money or erotic power, aggressive, controlling, or just persuasive. This is not to say a bad man, but certainly a powerful man who is hard to resist. The important thing is to remember that any chain is freely worn. In most cases, you are enslaved only because you allow it.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm........ "you are enslaved only because you allowed it" hmm.. am i a slave to anything? Perhaps a lil to the virtual gaming and some to the sensation from the tongue.. hmmm.. this really twirl me up a little.. lolx

Farewell to a close friend

Approximately 46 hours ago, a close friend of mine passed away from the mass of the world. He died in such a peaceful manner that I myself did not realize until the very last moment. His death costs me a thousand pain in the central realm of my heart, and i wonder at this moment whether his spirit has rested peacefully or not. For years, he has been my closest friend, a good companion, a person to depend and rely on, he always listen to my rants, problems, lame jokes or anything that i wanted to say and he never complains. His reaction was always so clear, though sometimes he acted a little weird, but he always try his best to perform the tasks on hand.

I almost cried when i found out about this tragedy, i was so shocked that i couldn't think straight and almost spill out the coffee onto my bed, the bed where he died next to...

I still remember clearly even at this point of time, it was 6pm, after a long nap, i woke up, and immediately i turned to the other side of my bed and pushes his body, intend to shake/wake him up. Normally, he will react with a long yawn, followed by some mumbles, but that evening, i received nothing after my long push... I sensed danger, i felt a coldsnap deep inside my body, with shock i began to panic and trying to find out what happened to him. After a check on the pulse, i felt nothing but only his coldskin. On that moment, many thing flashes across my mind, the memories we shared, the secrets that he kept for me, etc etc, THEY WERE GONE!!!! Along with his death!!!

OMFG!!!!!!! MY FILES!! MY PICTURES!! MY SONGS!! MY WORKS!! MY THESISSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHSAFJLAG!Hjcklfdh

** Yes, after a 3 year lifespan, my laptop gave up on me 2 days ago without any sign and symptom. Shit...

Shocky Shower

Ok. Many of you should already know this, that i am not a person that font to bath more than once per day, and during chilly weather, maybe once per 2 days. It's not that i am not hygienic or lazy or what, it's just that i don't really like the idea of being wet at times. I am a "dry" person, and stuffs that make me sweat or getting wet isn't that great of an idea unless the rare occasion of my desire of getting wet occurs (ok, that comes out wrong).

Anyway, ya you get the idea that i am not that much of a bath-y person (though i still know my hygiene limit, and i don't stretch it to an extreme limit). We ll, not until recently, when i discovered the fun of shocky shower. This place where i am staying now, it's not that old, but it has its own historical values, and due to aging and evolution some of the equipments modified by themselves, and this particular shower evolved as well. It shocks. Moderately. Thrillingly. It's like a double stimulation when you're getting a shower to wake yourself up during the morning or midnight to get some work done, and this thing shocks you. It instantly energizes you, and give you a kinetic boost to get you works done. Pretty handy at times isn't it?

In terms of security sake, i've confirmed with my housemates that stayed in this house for so long, and their answers = it shocks, but it does no harm other than stimulating you. And to make things clear.. it's not the water or whatsoever that contains the electricity, but the handle, the switch, as well as the shower cap itself. And it does not feel like intense electricity, more like some vibrating current, and that's why it's harmless.

So, my advice here is, for those working adults who hate drinking coffee in the morning to energize you up and needs something to do so, get shocky shower. For those that lacks a solid reason to shower so often (except you're in malaysia, you do not need a reason to skip it, it's just too hot to explain everything), get shocky shower. For those that love experimenting and try new things, quit your drug by getting shocky shower.

It shocks, it's fun, it energizes. *insert advertisement background music

Soyzza

So, i was having this nice greek flavored pizza (with lamb and mint, etc) with some of my unmentionable friends. While eating in the kitchen, at the dining table, chatting bout why ostrich can't fly even though thy have wings on their backs, one of my friends got too excited on his attempt to debate his way through, his elbow hits a bottle of light soysauce in the 90'degree angle at the bar counter and the bottle of HungPo soy sauce got shaken off its balance and landed on the dining with a 360 summersault. It was all fine, except for the fact that the bottle of soy sauce decided to take its cap off for a bow.. and *squirt... almost 50% of its internal content sprayed right on the wonderful pizza...

........

The thing bout that greek pizza is that, it's quite meaty, and it uses mozarella cheese that are great in absorbing liquid and flavors.. And so, the pizza can be considered ruined.. practically.. not until the culprit of this accident decided to give it a shot.. And just like any of the epic movie with a twist, it turns out to be great, and... weird in a way, i've never tasted anything close to that... imagine a greek-style grilled lamb along with excessive amount of soy sauce? side by side with tomatoes, mozarella cheese, corianders, greek herbs, mints, etc.. but it somehow works for us, miraculously.

So, kids, DO try this at home under supervision of adults and make sure that the speed dial number on your mobile contains instant access to any emergency line (911, ambulance, etc)