Resurrection and more deep thoughts

After close to 10 months of death and decay, a shred of light sparks my impulsiveness to re-jolt my poetic engine and hence bring back life to my personal thoughts prison in the cyberspace - this blog that you're reading right now.

Alot has happened throughout the 10 months that i did not write or contribute any sort of literacy to the cyberspace. The world changed a little, the country that I am living in changes a little, my surroundings changes a little, my circle of friends changes a little, my thoughts and views of life changes a little, and most importantly, I have a heart now.

Over the past 10 months, little by little, some estranged compilation of emotions and thoughts has joint-in and embedded unto my new 'heart'. I now, possessed a second 'heart' which provides me the extra beats I need in order to listen, the extra bloodflow in order to sustain any consequences, and the extra surface to field my patience.

I believes that no matter how kind a person is, there is a limit to anything, that includes patience and faith. I do not differ from that belief, and hence by compartmentalizing my emotion strategically, I could assign my second "heart" just to deal with the limit I once have, not to absolute it, but to enlarge it.

I am not testing my faith, or rather, my patience for love. There is hardly any form of measurement for that to test. I am proposing here, is just a better usage of time, presence, and understanding of love.

Everyone knows what time is, but how many could describe and explain to me what exactly it is? It is a phenomenon that exceeds science, logic, and even mythical explanation (at times). No one in this world could provide you time, unless you're god or something equivalent. Time is one of the tools that the creator of the world gave us since our birth, for what? To exist, to be, and be used.

I can't give you the time you need, I can only control the time i have in this life which consequently means my presence to provide you space, if you ask for it.

Presence... Presence of someone, something at somewhere would definitely determine the flow of life. For example, if you see Michael Jackson appearing in your house, that leads to the occurrence of extraordinary consequences which would never happened if only you have the usual presences - your family, friends, and lovers. It is like the 'plus' in math, it not just depending on what is inducing, it also depends on how much, and what's more than math in this context, the timing.

When to be there, at the correct timing with the appropriate archetypes you are portraying is indeed a state of art by itself. You normally find these traits in the best speakers, performers, magicians or even politicians, according to Robert Graves, one of my fav poets. But what's ironic to what he said is that, around me, even the most insignificant individuals around are striving to perfect the art of physical propinquity. Your portray yourself not completely different but appropriately according to the crowd, settings, and most importantly the timing.

My current boss (one of them) is always lenient, from morning to evening. He looks like a very kind father to me, however, i notice the slight difference of his presence between the mornings and the evenings. Just slight. A slight frown in between his eyebrows that wandering why are we still in the office, and a slight frown in between his eyebrows that wandering why are we still on our breakfast. It is the same frown but diff implication, different tone, different timing, hence.. different impacts.

I am trying to understand love. But it would probably take up all my time, energy, etc to do that. Hence the special dedication of my second "heart". A separate segment of the mental "me" which delegated to deal with this ambition. Some wise guys once said, "Don't think or contemplate or whether are you in love or not, be in love." I agree with that statement, very much. However, I have more thoughts on top of that, I know that I am in love, I do love that someone, I try to limit my thinkings, but.. I still do not comprehend love. To me, it works similar to time.

Like time, you can't control it. You can't control when to love, when not to, it just happens and without knowing it, it could grow or it could go.

Like time, it is intangible unless you are implying meanings for it. Just like when human tried to "store" time by snapping photos, writing down notes, and trying to provide some sort of meanings to it to be remembered; love, we imply meanings for it with kisses, physical contacts, gifts, etc.

Like time, it is liquid and depending on how you shape (use) it, it produces different outcomes (feelings).

Like time, it is omnipresence (wherever, whoever, whatever, there's love)

Like time, you can't have it your way all the time.

But unlike time, you can sometimes bring back love.

Unlike time, it has multiple altitudes and could happened all at one go.

Unlike time, love can be contagious.

Unlike time, love can controls your life, while for time it cant control you, you just lose control over time.

Ok, enough of all these... Perhaps one day I should write a book, compiling these what so called "deep thoughts" which occur to my fore brain almost once every so often.

F