Space for Fredbrication

Barcode

2009-12-12T12:29:00.001+08:00

Labels, stereotypes, and generalization
All fit for scanning to judge us all
Grouped like items for inventory

Preset judgments to show our "worth"
As people pile them for their ignorance
Not bothering to look inside the package

Using the actions of a few for the whole
And quickly evaluating who we are
Looking over without a caring glance

Set in wha seems like a global market
As some total is rung for our exterior
Drawn from a white square with black lines

Trying to show that people are individual
Each with their own qualities and dreams
Shedding the barcode that those people gave

This post is about nothing

2009-12-04T06:30:00.004+08:00

This poem is about nothing
Nothing is more beautiful than nothing
The serenity of silence hold life's unlocked keys
The light loose lingering feeling you get when nothing leaves

Some people think that nothing isn't anything
But there's just pessimist
Because nothing really is something
Just ask any nonconformist

Some of my favorite memories
Happen when I'm swinging on a swing on tall trees
I wish the happiness I feel in this moment would seize
The breeze puts me as ease, where would I be without friends like these?

Ever since I was little a lad
I was seldom happy, yet was never sad
Never led a group but never followed a fad
Nothing made me satisfied, nothing made me glad

When something hard was over I felt relieved
But it was always shortlived and soon I was decieved
The system failed me, I once believed
But I know now it's takes more than dreams to succeed

I wish life's answers were written on my hands
And it's solutions on my sleeves
Like the hourglass leaking grains of sand
Happiness is sometimes left for time to achieve

Nothing irritates me more than a hypocrite
But some times I feel as if I'm the biggest creep
And nothing negates me more than my own words
We are surrounded by false pretences and fake rewards

We lived in the lime light and hid when the sun was shining
Happiness is in unfabricated truths and whats under the lining
My mind is not blind, what's the point in confining
The truth is in front of us, its realism is defining

Nothing is like stroke of genius but its more like a flast of lightening
Nothing is intelligent and brilliance is frightening
The morning sun rises the day is brightening
Yet ignorance is darkness and it's bliss is enlightening

In a world where everything is symbolic of something else
Open you eyes now, what does nothing symbolize?
Nothing is everything that ever was surmised
Lies compared, your lips eyes and thighs, the lows and the highs

But I guess to be great is to be misunderstood
So said emerson
And I'd try to explain it if i could
But maybe nothing is different in every person

And we know more time will pass
A lot more nothing will elapse
Bridges fall and walls will collapse
Maybe you too will find happiness perhaps

Some say nothing lasts forever
But nothing has no end so it'll go on forever
Or maybe it has yet to begin
But in the end it'll be the same place it started
Right in the middle of things

I changed through time, through eyes that could never bend
To the death I'd defend because around you I don't need to pretend
This happiness I can't quite comprehend
I know its right because through time it transcends
I find happiness in nothing and thats where it ends
But to me nothing is everything that's why I find happiness in my friends

Awesomemore

2009-12-01T03:30:00.000+08:00

Every once in awhile, i will fredbricate words that i think it's pretty cool or worthwhile to jot it down. Awesomemore, for instance, is one of them.

awe·some (ôsmmôr)
adj.
1) Inspiring awe that urges for more dosage of awes: An awesomemore pasta
2) Expressing awe that urges for more expressions: Stood in awesomemore silence before mankind invented fire.
3) Slang More outstanding than outstanding; Remarkable than remarkable: An awesomemore football match that is beyond sport.

awesomemore·ly adv.
awesomemore·ness n.
.
"This is so awesome that, it is awesomemore".

I shall document this under the labels of 'articulation' and 'vofredbulary'.

Now,
F-Off

17 Months

2009-12-01T02:59:00.000+08:00

17 months of inconsistent chantings and occasional remunerations, I have finally managed to resurrect this blog. I feels strange to blog again. It is like a retired astronaut going back up on space or like a domesticated iguana heading back to the wild again.

It is rather electrifying I must say.

During this 17 months of silence in the blogosphere, I have learned to blog offline, e.g., on the wall behind my forehead, unto the synapses of my friends through aural means, through caressing my dogs or behind the chair.

And, I have learned that 'blogging' in life has its moments and you would still need to resort back to technology. It helps when you can link proper imageries, videos and resources for referencing purposes without parachuting your points along with saliva. It is also helpful that you can draft, save and re-edit your work wherein real life even if you attempt to rephrase you cant undo what was said before.

As a token for the resurrection of 'Space for Fredbrication' which is now an 'undead' blog, I have made an oath that I will trade my blood and food (for thought) for the continuity of the Fredbrication. Let's pray that I would have the determination for that.

Anyway, here's a little haiku I just spat out of my cortex.

"Can Opener"

Ripping away walls
That are obstacles to goal
Break adversity

F-off

Stupid questions? Smart questions?

2008-06-25T10:34:00.004+08:00

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?

How does one address to a smart question? Can he reply with a stupid answer?

Some questions are meant not to be answered, then is it still a question itself?

How stupid is a stupid question, when there is only measurement for intelligence but none for stupidity? Or does it work in parellel?

Why is an alarm clock going "off" when it actually turns on?

If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does mineral water that has "trickled through mountains for centuries" go out of date next year?
Why do they call it taking a dump? Shouldn't it be leaving a dump?

How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dying?

Why oh Why?

Rude or Be-ruded

2008-06-15T21:50:00.002+08:00

I bet all of you have encountered this before, meeting someone who is utterly rude and at times ridiculously unreasonable which then leads to the question that, how can a human be such a bitch?

My mind usually comes to a quick analysis on entities like this when I met any of them personally, they might be high in their ego-boost, a point to prove, you might accidentally begrudged this person when you were 6 in the kindergarten, etc etc, there might be many reasons...

But i cant find a reason why someone can still be so rude even under the pressure of public observation, say in the middle of the cinema Q and says hey, "I don't like your shirt (pointing at a Chelsea Jersey some poor guy is wearing), go get a change"

And i really don't understand why someone could actually backdown on this kinda 'request'

As that poor guy really just literally ran away with his partner.. and wow..

If he could have at least show some guts to retaliate, I am more glad than willing to assist him in a polite-manners.

Really.. this kinda ppl and that kinda ppl kinda sicken me a little while..

In this case, I screw the old saying of 'One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness'.

If i was the one wearing that blue jersey, I will pay him an eye for an eye.

Making money

2008-06-08T19:42:00.002+08:00

There are so many ways to earn a living, from hunting, cooking, prostitution, to a more sophisticated method such as selling ideas, knowledge to even selling virtual space (websites).

With the due upcoming hike in daily expenses and all, many thought of growing their own 'business tree' by looking for a solution or an alternative to what they have been doing ever since to earn some butter money.

Some resolve to MLM, some to additional freelance work, some keep hoping around into diff corps.

Well, this is how the financial world is growing at the moment, for the fresh generation like us.

You see any tiny hole that you might be able to squeeze something out of it, you try.

Well, I wonder who gets the greener side of it from the sudden burst of talent in the market.

Finance is the art of passing currency from hand to hand until it finally disappears.

Wider horizon

2008-05-29T10:53:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow will be my last day working @ Millennium Associates, it was fun working for/with them. Good experience for someone like me who is completely new to the Public Relation world to have some good 3 months of first hand battlefield experience in this particular industry.

Truthfully, I enjoyed my last 3 months here @ Millennium Associates (MA). They might still be young in terms of existence (formed roughly a year ago), but they're indeed an emerging lifeforce in the local PR industry. Experienced and skilled bosses in various areas, sharp senior execs and fairly fluid yet efficient workflow, it was a good learning opportunity for me.

I've learned that simple can be a beauty as attractive as complex. Clean, sharp, direct, proper, and accurate. Easier to say than done.

Overall, I think if i am to stay in the field of Public Relation, hmmm, I can't really tell what might happened to me, but I am sure that I won't be a big success. I tried to be simplistic in my approaches at time, but... overflowing with ideas/actions could be one of my many weaknesses.

Anyway, from next week onwards, i will be "unemployed" well, a freeman to permanent employment. While, I will be working on several freelance jobs (some already secured, some still pending). Little to my surprise, if I could secure all of the prospect deals, in terms of $, I will be earning more than my current monthly wages. Additionally, it would most probably take up 2 weeks of my time only.

How wonderful?

Hereby, another quote which I somehow managed to pull it out of my rusty and web-clogged memory storage and not able to remember who said it, here you go,

" A desk is a dangerous place from which to watch the world."

It narrowed your view perspective and hence... refrain your ambition and sets the limitation for yourself without knowing your own limits.

That's bad for health.

Happening week

2008-05-15T14:51:00.002+08:00

This week has been fun and interesting for me, it is pretty much fast pace with many intriguing elements (both expected and unexpected).

First, I have broke my record in multitasking by operating 2 PCs, talking on the phone, massaging my dog with my legs, eating, and writing down notes at the same time. I am so regret that I couldn't find anyone to take a video on that.

Second, I went to the parliament this Monday!! Yay, I am no longer a parliament virgin! A few quick notes about our Malaysian Parliament -

The security is super slack in my opinion - We can just drive in by saying "Encik, dalam ada meeting"
In one of the buildings, there were no metal detector at the entrance, but metal detector at the exit... So, I suppose that's to prevent me from stealing pens from the parliament?
When registering ourselves to get the tags, you just need to say you are here to arrange some conference, and they will award you with the "Khas" (Special) pass, where you will have the access to 70% of the area in the parliament
There's free Wi-fi and free food in the parliament
It's a smoking free zone with jail-free personnel walking around with cigarette on their hand

Third, our office got blew up by my colleagues... almost killed the server

Fourth, work is increasing with its density, and will needs to be responded in a way faster pace.

Fifth, my evil plan is working fine at the moment.

MUAHAHAHAhahaha..

Evil Plan

2008-05-07T16:23:00.002+08:00

Someone I know once said this to me,

"A Goal without a plan is just a wish".

I had many wishes, some had been fulfilled, either through thorough planning or plain impulsive, I managed to manifest some of my wishes, dreams, to reality.

Recently, many of you might heard of, or know about this already; my evil plan to change the world has been undergoing hohoho, for few months.. and it is still running smooth.. hohoho

I am giving myself a deadline for this plan to be manifested, as A deadline is negative inspiration. Still, it's better than no inspiration at all.

STay tune!

Promises

2008-05-04T12:13:00.002+08:00

A promise can sometimes be described as a pact, or a conceptual contract that indicates trust in action, exchange or provision between two entities. It could be a pact that render services or gift or devotes something desirable to the person intended.

A promise may also be vow or guarantee of any sorts.

There is always the argument of whether a promise would be vivid and unpractical if it isn't written down or evidenced in any form. Hence, the existence and occurrence of contracts, agreements, guarantor this, guarantor that, that has been reinforced by the legal world.

Well, little may we realized that, 80% (or more, based on my own natural observation :p) of the promises we made or granted weren't documented, and mostly are just verbal confirmation, and even more at times, assumptuous.

We made so many promises everyday, at times, not being able to remember about it all.

Have you ever remember making statements like, "I will come back to you in a minute" "I wont be late" "I will do this for you" "I will remember" "I will"

I will... How many I wills we stated every day? To be honest, I've lost count on my account. And how many of those promises we/I made, have I/we fulfilled? For your record, I believe I am below the borderline which is below 50-60%.

To some people, who possessed real good memories, a simple promise that has not been satisfied, might became the cause of begrudge, devastation, despair, or at times lost of friendship.

So, does that mean our memories at the expense of how much we can remember and recall is our worst enemy in neglecting the promises we made? To certain extend.. it is pretty vital. But it isn't the main cause.

We, are the cause. I've learnt so much through out my short but resourceful working life, where I learnt that even a promise as small and as simple as "I will off the light switch when I leave" reflects the degree of responsibility we treats life.

Recently, I have come to this realization that, those that are most slow in making a promise are the most faithful in the performance of it. They might be slow in coming to a decision, but they at least, they don't make rush promises that otherwise often would be revolved to a.. Blank promise.

Think, just think through about this.

When you think, do not spend too much time in it, just start from the beginning, follow the flow, once u reach a junction, if you can turn, turn, if you can't decide, stop.

Think about it another day.

If you have the time

2008-05-01T10:16:00.002+08:00

Just give yourself a minute and think, how many times have you heard of this or reason yourself in this way?

"I will do it, if i have the time"

"I will take a look, if I have the time"

"I promise to bring her out, if I have the time"

"If I have the time, If I..."

It is useful and encouraging to use and think from the "if" angle, as the main objective of "IFs" is to forecast the possible outcomes, consequences, obstables, etc. However, at the same time if the feeling of attribution towards the obstacle is greater than the will to succeed the thoughts, the earlier idea often gets a rejection or ignored.

Meanwhile, too much of IFs often create an illusion and formed as an excuse for us to not change and react to things and phenomenon that would require changes otherwise.

Really, think about all these...

To end this short post, let me pull out a quote for you -

" Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
— Steven Wright"

Care, Consider, Care

2008-04-29T09:31:00.003+08:00

Ever since young, maybe around primary school time, I have been praised as a caring person, where I think 2 steps (or more) ahead for others more than for my own well-being, way too often.

Some says, I am subtle in my caring manner, some says, I am blunt. And if you require an opinion from me, I guess it just comes natural. For those who thinks that I am subtle, it is because I chose to portray the tough side of me, the bright side of me in front of you. Well, for the other extreme, maybe I am just tactless at showing my care and concern at times.

I often portray myself to be slightly masculine, wild, or at times insensitive. Mainly due to the cultural structure and my upbringing.. however, if you know me slightly better, you might notice that i have eagle's sight, hyena's hearing,, whale's senses and a protector's will.

I do not know why and from where I cultivated the instinct of wanting to protect someone, something. In whatever field, be it sports, music, anything, I am always the underdog supporter, I always support the ones that no one or less people are fond of. And often than not, I think ahead for them, for those that are closer to me.

I dont drop tears, not easily, more like at all, but that doesn't mean i have a steel heart.

I agree that when someone accept some things doesnt mean you agree, or vice versa.

However, it's just me to care for you, even if it's not accepted, I might at times consider the worth of it, and yet, my only conclusion would still be...

continue to care.

and continue to be me.

Common Kedai Runcit Ettique

2008-04-25T15:32:00.002+08:00

Today, after lunch with colleagues @ Jalan Batai (near my office), we then walked to a small convenient store (Kedai Runcit in Malay) intended to just browse around.

While wandering around mindlessly with Lenny, she (yes, a she) suddenly says that she wanna go take a look at the pads. So, we walked over to the sanitary pad section, where in side glance I saw the label of KY Gelly. Hence, my head just turned naturally to that direction, and yeah ah huh I saw KY Gelly as sighted, and.... it's placed above fisherman's friends below some traditional herbal oilment, and in between some sport use heating rub oil and Dracoline - an external lotion to treat baby rashes.. HOW WRONG CAN THAT BE?!?!?

hahaha...

KY Gelly - a world famed lubricant for sexual intercourse purposes decked next to heating oil and baby rash lotion?????????

Imagine this, what if a guy with bad eye sight, mistakenly took the heating oil and somehow mistakenly perceived and thinks that that's KY.. and apply it on his humanrod... ok.. that's gonna be funny.

Not so dark humor

2008-04-22T18:22:00.002+08:00

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die."
— Mel Brooks

lessons from nature

When you attempt to swat a fly,
It is not because you fear harm from it.
The fly would not suck your blood
Or give you a disease.
You attempt to cause its death
Simply for the annoyance of its existence.

The fly, so harshly reprimanded,
Does not retreat to its room in tears,
Does not hyperventilate or have a panic attack,
Does not cut itself,
Does not contemplate suicide.

It simply flies on.

Fudge!?

2008-04-20T17:29:00.004+08:00

WARNING! If you are underage or cant in anyway accommodate coarse language and verbal vulgarity please do not scroll down, and turn away now!!

__________________________________________________________________

English, as a language (not the people) often has words or idioms that somehow caught you in the eye and forces your mind to somehow fixated with this particular word/idiom. For instance, fuck is the most commonly fixated term for English speaking folks (I am sure these kinda wordings exist in other language, however since this is a english based blog, let's just stick it with the alphabets). You often see people who uses the f word, from head to toe, from beginning to credit rolls.

Yeah, we all know what fuck means, but why is it so powerful that people just cant get it out of their mouth and embedded it in each and every sentences (or close to) that comes out from the most effective communicator god gave us?

I am not a linguistic expert, and I am only fluent with 3 languages (English, Mandarin & Malay) and 2 Dialects (Hokkien, Cantonese), however, there are few things I realized that is pretty much consistent and could be helpful in providing us a clue on why some words are more catchy than the others?

First, do you realize that in many languages, the word that describe sexual intercourse in a casual manner only has 1 syllable? Fuck is one, tiu is another, kan is the same, etc.

Second, it's always pretty catchy and easy to remember.

third, it works well even if it is said alone. You often hear ppl say tiu! fuck! kan! but hardly just "suck!" "sai! (shit)" instead "that sucks!" "chiak sai!" (eat shit)

fourth, these terms are often the action of sexual intercourse or related to it, why? because it is somehow sensitive to our brain, mind and soul (When you hear it, you either feels uneasy, angry, intrigue, or in anyway, interested..? since it is one of our most instinctive behavior)

fifth, it can be reused repetitively in any part of your sentences in any forms

Ok, there should be more than those that I have listed out.. however I am a little lazy to list them all out. All these just occur to me early this noon, when I had an online chat with a friend that uses all tiu, fuck and shit in almost every lines he typed out (amazing talent).

For example, let me recap few lines of his

Friend: Tiu, so fucking early shit, y you never fucking scold tiu him?

Fred: errr...

Friend: This type of fuck, need to tiu tiu often before shit turns smartfuck one

Fred: so, what do you suggest?

Friend: tiu.. just fucking call kao him fuck, tiu him upside down till he wont shit everytime he fucking see you again, meng mou (understand or not)?

Fred: ohhh.....

Hahaha...

Thin Sliced

2008-04-18T11:58:00.003+08:00

8 years ago (maybe 9), when I first shave my hair bald (real bald, smooth & shiny), it was then I experience the wonder of "nothingness". When you have no hair, you receive more public/social attention, you have 1 less hassle to attend to (your hair!), you feels better under the hot sun and hot humid weather, and most importantly you looks intimidating!

At the age of 14-15, I really felt that it was so cool to be the one and only "stand-out" ones in the school. You could imagine that it is so easy to spot me (even if I am only a 5ft 6) during the daily outdoor assembly. Just look for something shiny, oh yea, you spotted me.

As a young, half naive and masculinely egoistic teenager at that time, I had the rebel in me to be different, I had the animal in me to be intimidating to others (outlook wise), and I had the jester in me in needs of attention. And... what's the best solution to seal the 3-in-1 deal none other than shaving my hair bald? As during the late early 2000 high school trend.. you have all your common spiky-aeroplane (fei kei tao) hair style, your goody goody center parting or 3-7 parting hairstyle, the over the ear length la la style that often got punished and cut by the disciplinarians and none.. really none (except for your occasional indian macha who shaved their head bald in due to some religious rituals) would shave your hair during that era in highschool.

Ever since then.. I would shave my head once in awhile, not just because of the attention, but really the wonder of having 1 less trouble to take care of. As I grow older, slowly adapting to the society and all, you see bald heads everywhere, it is nothing special anymore as compared to the old "high-school-only" horizon.

When I was 18 transiting to 19, I decided to grow my hair long... Long enough for me to braid and dread it. I had this weird childhood fantasy where I wanna have hairstyle like Bob Marley.

And at the age of 20 transiting to 21, I had my dream fulfilled...

However, after keeping it for 7 months, I went back to my "first love" - bald.

Throughout the years, some says I look like "Fred" the most when I am bald, some says bald doesnt suits me, some says they prefer me with a lil bit hair than none, some says they prefer my "bob marleys", etc. All in one, i receives mixed comments... Though most of them prefer my hair to be in the reign of "short"

So.. yea, instead of shaving it completely to 0, I had it thin sliced this time round.

Will post picture when i have the time soon.

If only it was thundering

2008-04-17T17:47:00.003+08:00

the windows are barred
with the criss-crossed screen
and I feel trapped – even with it open.

sweet green air leaks in through
the cracks and the scent of
sky stained water tickles my nostrils.
but a taste isn't enough,
I want to drown in it,
to suck it in and never have to breath out
again, keeping freedom bottled up
inside this heart until it cakes
and corrodes my arteries with pollution,
so I have to -
explode.

smashing my glass
and listening to it trickle
to the ground with the rain,
sparkling,
glittering,
scintillating,
the world with reflected light and beauty.
(a million mirrors.)

I would let the rain pour onto my history laden floor
washing away memories, scum, and
worn-out stuffed animals.
drenching my face and hair
till the make-up and lies wash away
from my skin and eyes.
cascading downward to the concrete below my window.

But it's all too much – or maybe it's not enough...

either way I don't think I'll reach enlightenment
unless I take a leap of faith, and hope the robin will catch me
and whisper words of wisdom as I fly on it's back
to serenity. (let it be...)

with my luck though the bloody bird will fail me
and the bloody contents of my brain and heart
will decorate the walk-way to my green door.

on the bright-side,
maybe you will be good at reading people by then
to read all I wanted to say
and all I ever really felt
in the milky pink contents of my
broken smeared organs.

only...
I don't know if you read the obituaries.

Resurrection and more deep thoughts

2008-04-17T16:36:00.004+08:00

After close to 10 months of death and decay, a shred of light sparks my impulsiveness to re-jolt my poetic engine and hence bring back life to my personal thoughts prison in the cyberspace - this blog that you're reading right now.

Alot has happened throughout the 10 months that i did not write or contribute any sort of literacy to the cyberspace. The world changed a little, the country that I am living in changes a little, my surroundings changes a little, my circle of friends changes a little, my thoughts and views of life changes a little, and most importantly, I have a heart now.

Over the past 10 months, little by little, some estranged compilation of emotions and thoughts has joint-in and embedded unto my new 'heart'. I now, possessed a second 'heart' which provides me the extra beats I need in order to listen, the extra bloodflow in order to sustain any consequences, and the extra surface to field my patience.

I believes that no matter how kind a person is, there is a limit to anything, that includes patience and faith. I do not differ from that belief, and hence by compartmentalizing my emotion strategically, I could assign my second "heart" just to deal with the limit I once have, not to absolute it, but to enlarge it.

I am not testing my faith, or rather, my patience for love. There is hardly any form of measurement for that to test. I am proposing here, is just a better usage of time, presence, and understanding of love.

Everyone knows what time is, but how many could describe and explain to me what exactly it is? It is a phenomenon that exceeds science, logic, and even mythical explanation (at times). No one in this world could provide you time, unless you're god or something equivalent. Time is one of the tools that the creator of the world gave us since our birth, for what? To exist, to be, and be used.

I can't give you the time you need, I can only control the time i have in this life which consequently means my presence to provide you space, if you ask for it.

Presence... Presence of someone, something at somewhere would definitely determine the flow of life. For example, if you see Michael Jackson appearing in your house, that leads to the occurrence of extraordinary consequences which would never happened if only you have the usual presences - your family, friends, and lovers. It is like the 'plus' in math, it not just depending on what is inducing, it also depends on how much, and what's more than math in this context, the timing.

When to be there, at the correct timing with the appropriate archetypes you are portraying is indeed a state of art by itself. You normally find these traits in the best speakers, performers, magicians or even politicians, according to Robert Graves, one of my fav poets. But what's ironic to what he said is that, around me, even the most insignificant individuals around are striving to perfect the art of physical propinquity. Your portray yourself not completely different but appropriately according to the crowd, settings, and most importantly the timing.

My current boss (one of them) is always lenient, from morning to evening. He looks like a very kind father to me, however, i notice the slight difference of his presence between the mornings and the evenings. Just slight. A slight frown in between his eyebrows that wandering why are we still in the office, and a slight frown in between his eyebrows that wandering why are we still on our breakfast. It is the same frown but diff implication, different tone, different timing, hence.. different impacts.

I am trying to understand love. But it would probably take up all my time, energy, etc to do that. Hence the special dedication of my second "heart". A separate segment of the mental "me" which delegated to deal with this ambition. Some wise guys once said, "Don't think or contemplate or whether are you in love or not, be in love." I agree with that statement, very much. However, I have more thoughts on top of that, I know that I am in love, I do love that someone, I try to limit my thinkings, but.. I still do not comprehend love. To me, it works similar to time.

Like time, you can't control it. You can't control when to love, when not to, it just happens and without knowing it, it could grow or it could go.

Like time, it is intangible unless you are implying meanings for it. Just like when human tried to "store" time by snapping photos, writing down notes, and trying to provide some sort of meanings to it to be remembered; love, we imply meanings for it with kisses, physical contacts, gifts, etc.

Like time, it is liquid and depending on how you shape (use) it, it produces different outcomes (feelings).

Like time, it is omnipresence (wherever, whoever, whatever, there's love)

Like time, you can't have it your way all the time.

But unlike time, you can sometimes bring back love.

Unlike time, it has multiple altitudes and could happened all at one go.

Unlike time, love can be contagious.

Unlike time, love can controls your life, while for time it cant control you, you just lose control over time.

Ok, enough of all these... Perhaps one day I should write a book, compiling these what so called "deep thoughts" which occur to my fore brain almost once every so often.

F

So, i've got a job

2007-07-18T00:33:00.000+08:00

Seeing how seldom i updated my blog, it will not be suprised that it might 1 day be forgotten in the very near future. As its owner has currently found himself a job in a flash duration (got introduced on tues/wed and got through everything -> work on monday). Well, the job title isn't something flashy, and the name of the firm would probably be alien to most of you, anyhow, i am still gonna disclose it.

Job title: Data analyst
Company: Towers Perrin Crosby & Foster

Trust me, it's not a flashy job, both in nature and by name, however, in actual fact and in terms of practicality, i think I am currently on a trail that might lead me to an ancient forgotten Aztec Treassure chest or something more than that. The point is, it will in return provide me with more than enough knowledge on doing almost 60-80% of what i think is ideal for me. About the job, it's desk bound, and due to confidentiality and personal laziness i shall not disclose anything much more about the job description till i finally have the time to generate a template and then while contacting me personally, i may consider of disclosing it to you. :p

And yea, it's in KL downtown. KLCC is just directly behind me (my back is facing the window while on the desk), i am on the 33rd floor, i think my boss is cute-demanding-sharp all at a very reasonable level, i am having a number guessing game with jason (which i am still losing now due to experience but will not be in 1 month's time), i regretted shaving my beard/goattie as it's currently growing at an extremely fast rate (shaved the night before, grew out the second day, and at evening time, the surface is rough enough to witheld a tissue paper that just happened to fly and land on it), and yes, i now feel the pain of sardins.. it's pretty sad to be in "packs" when you chose not to.

So, the truth is

2007-06-22T07:18:00.000+08:00

The truth is, I am currently bored out at the Uni's lab.

The truth is, I regretted on choosing to finish my masters via research/thesis.

The truth is, I love drinking, I can drink alot, but i am not an alcoholic.

The truth is, I have a mild condition sleeping disorder as I do not have fixed sleeping patterns/schedules.

The truth is, I always like to support and feel for the underdogs.

The truth is, I was once 88 at peak, 56 at the lowest, STILL 165 and should still be 154.

The truth is, I always suspect that i have huntington disease in me.

The truth is, I suck at starting a conversation.

The truth is, I think I am ok in the middle of a conversation.

The truth is, I AGAIN suck at ending a conversation.

The truth is, I am never good at deciding on anything that's not urgent.

The truth is, I have only a medium range of self-esteem (so try not to break it, :p)

The truth is, I think I am good at planning but I am better at doing it last minutely.

The truth is, if I can choose again, I will still pick psychology as my major.

The truth is, I have a fine pair of hands (physically, as in.. they looks good and fine) and i hate it cause it decreases the appearance of my musculinity.

The truth is, I used to love veges more than meat but not it's the complete reverse and i can see another reverse soon, in the near future.

The truth is, I think I will not be a good boyfriend, but a decent lover and a better husband (well, "i think")

The truth is, I have sharp sense of taste, as in.. i like everything that's sharp.

The truth is, I am a gamer and I am proud to admit it.

The truth is, I think girls that dislike boys who play games are relatively stereotypical in thinking.

The truth is, imo, learning curve of a game > what you learn at local malaysian colleges at times.

The truth is, I am a "Audio>Taste>Visual>Sense>Smell" person.

The truth is, I made this up because I am bored at packing my stuffs.

The truth is, the truth is.. I think I am gonna get home and vacuum up the place before i fly off tomorrow.

A Magician

2007-06-16T19:28:00.000+08:00

For the past few months, i've been writing alot, mostly poetry and some short fictions. It has been posted or released in various artsy-classy forums and poetry related websites. Like always, i tried alot of different methods and ways to express my thoughts, ideas and sometimes my creativity with words and the whole point of structuring it. Writers in all forms are creators of meaningful literature and similar to many other professions which create and produce, they all served as an agent in decorating and inducing the world with more meanings and connections.

Many people once questioned me, of all forms of literacy, why poetry? why poems? Why not fiction or something more elaborated that will be more in-touch with the readers? The funny thing is, all these questions were asked by people who know me first and later about my writings, on the other hand, for those who know me through my writings, they normally have only 1 question, "when do i get the chance to meet you in person?". And so, i am left with 2 sets of questions after posting or disclosing my work to the work in some ways.

Well, why not fiction? The thing is.. in my perception i think fictions or anything around that length has a range of invisble boundaries and guidelines. In order to deliver your message or your writing in that formation, you need to be able to meet up with the reader's expectation, not exactly the level of literacy but how they assume the plot to flow along with. And the best fiction writers can create a mass flow of plots that makes you think that the unexpected twist is really "unexpected" whereas in actual sense it is just fraction of your blindspots. I still read fictions or novels whatever you love to call em, and like most readers i used to love the twists of the story (not neccesarily the climax of the fiction), as it provides you excitement and the whole sense of "wow! geez! i didnt expect that".Yeah, notice that i use the term "used to", as some of you might know that i tried fiction (as in writing 1) and still working on it. you know, when you wanna write or produce something in that mass, normally you have 2 ways of doing things, 1) you look at the big picture as in a rough outline, build the skeletons, etc and then you only you get to touch on the details, and that twist(s) are like joints of the skeletons and the organs are the characters of the story, 2) You start with something specific, like a person (normally the main character) or a place or an object or a theme and you start to add colors from that point on, it's a bit like seeding, you chose a spot plant the seed, and it grows up slowly from that point on, and the twist(s) are like the direction of the roots. Be it the first or the latter method, the creator already know what's going on at least inside his/her head. You will notice that authors who focused so much on the twists often produce extremely "wow" factor on creating the verge of diversion as the story line (the build ups) will normally lead you to a point where, the author can clearly see your blindspots, and therefore when he/she plunch a small pin in that area, you go "OMG! How did that happen?". So in a metaphorical manner, whether it's skeletonized or specifically seeded, fiction, is a pre-cook material. It's like spaghetti, pizzas, roasted chicken, curry noodles, you have the main staple, the sauces, the addons (veges, spices) and it has a form be it you recognize it or not.

Well, unlike fictions, poetry is more pure i would say, purer than sashimi, it's way raw than that, more like a fresh apple that you just plucked off the tree. Many would categorize poems into 2 big group, the structured and free phrased (non-structured). Well, the term "structure" over here mainly refer to the foundation and frame of the poem, not exactly the flow, the point, the meaning and as well as the words selection. You do not need to have a point to write a poem but you do need 1 to produce a fiction because it tells a story. Whereas instead of telling you something, a poem can be a question by itself, a statement, a creative expression using words and at times just spurs of a moment. You know, i am sure some of you would have experienced this when out of a sudden, maybe in a middle of your preparation for exams or in the movie, there's a phrase in your head popped out and like "heh, that sounds cool", and so.. unlike fiction where you will then trying to input that phrase and putting things together, you can just simply dumb the catchphrase you just got it out of your blended mind into a blank piece paper, search the feeling that helped you onto the first catch for the 2nd phrase, and before you know it, there's there. I don't know maybe it's just me, i get all the freedom i could get while i am writing a poem. However, the thing is, i can normally finish 1 in under 5 mins.. hmm.. Nonetheless i could spend like.. 30 mins or more staring at one of my own poems and digest the feelings and thoughts that i embedded into the poem when i written it there and then.

Now, for those who know me through my poems, hmm.. well i should be glad that after reading and accepting my work one way or another, you have the spur of the moment to want to meet me in person. However, I am confused at the level that, "why?". In my oppinion, maybe i am a little stereotypical in respond to this, but to me, the person that writes and the person you will be meeting up close will not be coherent in most manners. 1) we wont speak the way we write, 2) normally the essence of the poems are either the best or the worst of a situations and we dont carry ourselves like that in reality, 3) you lost the sense of freedom when 2 person met up close, and it somehow might expand the interaction into another dimension (which might be good), 4) maybe it's just me, i prefer to disclose myself that much through my work (that does not mean i dont have self-disclosure towards other people in person, just that i prefer to choose my own audience).

Now, back to the title of the post. Magicians are cool. There are not exactly a pure creator, unlike god, and just like poets we dont create works, we gather, diverse, and simply manifest something that excites.

Am i that evil?

2007-05-07T05:22:00.000+08:00

Out of boredom and due to hours of journal readings and digesting, i decided to take up a test when i bumped onto my sis's webbie. And this is what i get...

Hmmmmmmmmmm...

You are The Devil

Materiality. Material Force. Material temptation; sometimes obsession

The Devil is often a great card for business success; hard work and ambition.

Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction. On the flip side, however, the card can be a warning to someone who is too restrained, someone who never allows themselves to get passionate or messy or wild - or ambitious. This, too, is a form of enslavement. As a person, the Devil can stand for a man of money or erotic power, aggressive, controlling, or just persuasive. This is not to say a bad man, but certainly a powerful man who is hard to resist. The important thing is to remember that any chain is freely worn. In most cases, you are enslaved only because you allow it.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm........ "you are enslaved only because you allowed it" hmm.. am i a slave to anything? Perhaps a lil to the virtual gaming and some to the sensation from the tongue.. hmmm.. this really twirl me up a little.. lolx

The cost of not paying an additional 168aud

2007-05-07T05:10:00.000+08:00

Who said Dell got wonderful services? well maybe they do if i've paid the express delivery fees that cost another additional 168aud ontop of the customer service fees and all, etc.. &%#%, The bugger on the phone said after an order have been confirmed and charged, it should be delivered in 3-5 working days, and so i agreed on the "yea, deliver it to my place then" instead of going to the bay/warehouse and pick it up myself. And so i waited, checked on the delivery status online and got shocked, it says estimated delivery date = 10th of may, and i was like.. wtf, i ordered and confirmed the fucking thing on the phone on 2nd of May, and the bugger did say no later than 5 working days, and so i called on saturday night to confirm, and one of the customer service dudes told me this,"the clauses and conditions on the transportation part only applied fully to customers located in Vic State, Queensland, NSW, and WA(western australia), and at that moment.. i felt like driving to melb and slap that bastard. Sighz, now, after few calls and traces, realized that the pc i ordered should STILL be in Vic state waiting for it cues to be sent to Southern Australia (where adelaide is, damn.. it really does sound like my place = kampung, village.. wtf??) Man.. knowing aussies, the ordered good(my PC, oh i got a desktop instead of laptop/notebook btw), might not even be delivered as 'estimated' on 10th of may.. man.. i hate this..

Farewell to a close friend

2007-05-03T01:15:00.000+08:00

Approximately 46 hours ago, a close friend of mine passed away from the mass of the world. He died in such a peaceful manner that I myself did not realize until the very last moment. His death costs me a thousand pain in the central realm of my heart, and i wonder at this moment whether his spirit has rested peacefully or not. For years, he has been my closest friend, a good companion, a person to depend and rely on, he always listen to my rants, problems, lame jokes or anything that i wanted to say and he never complains. His reaction was always so clear, though sometimes he acted a little weird, but he always try his best to perform the tasks on hand.

I almost cried when i found out about this tragedy, i was so shocked that i couldn't think straight and almost spill out the coffee onto my bed, the bed where he died next to...

I still remember clearly even at this point of time, it was 6pm, after a long nap, i woke up, and immediately i turned to the other side of my bed and pushes his body, intend to shake/wake him up. Normally, he will react with a long yawn, followed by some mumbles, but that evening, i received nothing after my long push... I sensed danger, i felt a coldsnap deep inside my body, with shock i began to panic and trying to find out what happened to him. After a check on the pulse, i felt nothing but only his coldskin. On that moment, many thing flashes across my mind, the memories we shared, the secrets that he kept for me, etc etc, THEY WERE GONE!!!! Along with his death!!!

OMFG!!!!!!! MY FILES!! MY PICTURES!! MY SONGS!! MY WORKS!! MY THESISSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHSAFJLAG!Hjcklfdh

** Yes, after a 3 year lifespan, my laptop gave up on me 2 days ago without any sign and symptom. Shit...

Shocky Shower

2007-04-09T17:05:00.001+08:00

Ok. Many of you should already know this, that i am not a person that font to bath more than once per day, and during chilly weather, maybe once per 2 days. It's not that i am not hygienic or lazy or what, it's just that i don't really like the idea of being wet at times. I am a "dry" person, and stuffs that make me sweat or getting wet isn't that great of an idea unless the rare occasion of my desire of getting wet occurs (ok, that comes out wrong).

Anyway, ya you get the idea that i am not that much of a bath-y person (though i still know my hygiene limit, and i don't stretch it to an extreme limit). We ll, not until recently, when i discovered the fun of shocky shower. This place where i am staying now, it's not that old, but it has its own historical values, and due to aging and evolution some of the equipments modified by themselves, and this particular shower evolved as well. It shocks. Moderately. Thrillingly. It's like a double stimulation when you're getting a shower to wake yourself up during the morning or midnight to get some work done, and this thing shocks you. It instantly energizes you, and give you a kinetic boost to get you works done. Pretty handy at times isn't it?

In terms of security sake, i've confirmed with my housemates that stayed in this house for so long, and their answers = it shocks, but it does no harm other than stimulating you. And to make things clear.. it's not the water or whatsoever that contains the electricity, but the handle, the switch, as well as the shower cap itself. And it does not feel like intense electricity, more like some vibrating current, and that's why it's harmless.

So, my advice here is, for those working adults who hate drinking coffee in the morning to energize you up and needs something to do so, get shocky shower. For those that lacks a solid reason to shower so often (except you're in malaysia, you do not need a reason to skip it, it's just too hot to explain everything), get shocky shower. For those that love experimenting and try new things, quit your drug by getting shocky shower.

It shocks, it's fun, it energizes. *insert advertisement background music

When I am rich...

2007-04-02T14:39:00.000+08:00

I AM GONNA GET A PAIR OF OTTERS!!! I don't care for what it takes!! I want em as my pets (and i will dug a pool for them too). And yes, it must be a pair, a boy and a girl. And yes, otters you got me right, those beaver-lookalike. I am sure many of you are already wandering what the heck happened to me? Now, just pay attention and watch "THIS". hehe.. feel like having em for yourself now? NOOOOooo!! they are MINE!! MOI!!!!

Monster showdown!!

2007-03-27T23:07:00.000+08:00

Personally, i am quite an animal person (though they might choose not to like me, bite, spit, scratch, claw, sting, smack, or even slap me) and if you ask me whether i am a cat or a dog person, i really wouldn't know how to answer you. As in my home (in KL), i have 3 dogs (all are monsters in a way) along with a beautiful matriarch of the house - the almighty-i-am-the-classiest-and-most-glorious-in-the-world cat my family adopted years ago - tika. Click here to check out a blog i wrote based on my pets some time ago (bout 2 years ago?) on my old bloggy. Aikz i left out bobby, as he wasn't with us when i wrote that yet, ok.. here's a pic of bobby (my 3rd shih tzu) :

he reminds me of mamee monster or those fluffy things in sesame street

To me, all animal with furs are cute when they are smaller in size than 60% of your own body mass. It's true, i know a shih tzu is cute, but i do not want to own one that's about same size as me.. 1) it's just out of the stereotypical size of a shih tzu should be, 2) if they are that big, that means their appetite should be THAT big as well, 3) thing gets ugly pretty easily if you choose to or not to play catch with it. So, almost anything with fur equal or smaller to a full grown lab is the best that i can endure.

Nonetheless, they are still animal no matter what you call them, sweetie pie, bubbly bear, etc, regardless of their sizes, they can be pretty evil at times..

Now allow me to introduce the latest little monster i met in my life *drum rolls.. - Orchie/Ochi (it pronounces as Ore-Chee)

"hehehe, look away and i am gonna bite you!"

Ok.. this little foxxy looking thing here is a demon, a lived-devil, he is possess with the gift of a high-pitch squeeky voice and an utterly innocent face that he would claims he has but inside him, he's still a monster. I've dealt with many cats and dogs in my life, but this thing here is extremely demonic in nature indeed or just plainly.. forgetful. He would treat you like his best friend ever this minute, and just when you turn around and pay a little attention to your monitor, he bites. Horrible.. horribly cute as well, even when his mouth was chewing on my fingers, he remains so adorable.. argh damn, that's how they described a fallen angel with the presence of a devil right? Anyway, ultimately, he's still a dog-ish monster, why would i be so certain? He plays catch.

Soyzza

2007-03-26T16:33:00.000+08:00

So, i was having this nice greek flavored pizza (with lamb and mint, etc) with some of my unmentionable friends. While eating in the kitchen, at the dining table, chatting bout why ostrich can't fly even though thy have wings on their backs, one of my friends got too excited on his attempt to debate his way through, his elbow hits a bottle of light soysauce in the 90'degree angle at the bar counter and the bottle of HungPo soy sauce got shaken off its balance and landed on the dining with a 360 summersault. It was all fine, except for the fact that the bottle of soy sauce decided to take its cap off for a bow.. and *squirt... almost 50% of its internal content sprayed right on the wonderful pizza...

........

The thing bout that greek pizza is that, it's quite meaty, and it uses mozarella cheese that are great in absorbing liquid and flavors.. And so, the pizza can be considered ruined.. practically.. not until the culprit of this accident decided to give it a shot.. And just like any of the epic movie with a twist, it turns out to be great, and... weird in a way, i've never tasted anything close to that... imagine a greek-style grilled lamb along with excessive amount of soy sauce? side by side with tomatoes, mozarella cheese, corianders, greek herbs, mints, etc.. but it somehow works for us, miraculously.

So, kids, DO try this at home under supervision of adults and make sure that the speed dial number on your mobile contains instant access to any emergency line (911, ambulance, etc)

HUGE and overfunished

2007-03-22T18:15:00.000+08:00

It has been exactly a week after my move-in into this crib of mine. It may be old (as commented by some), it may be slightly messy (as pointed by many), it may be also a little too noisy (as it's located right next to a junior primary school, that makes the most frequent guests to mingle around the garden outside of my house be boys and girls at the age of 6-9.), however to me, those are not the problems at all...

Well, the thing bout this room is that.. it's notoriously huge, oversized and at the same time overfurnished... It has bout 3 tables in the room excluding a table top (which i never touched any of those except for the tabletop as a rest for my laptop), a wardrobe, 2 racks (1 for misc, and 1 for.. hmm.. god knows), a spare queen size bed (or is it king?), a TV, many accessories which has been kept aside, as well as 2 built in shelves (for books or anything) at both sides of the fireplace.

And yes, there's a fireplace inside my room... I have a rough guess that it used to be a living hall and the 1st generation of the house owner should be an italian, as italians like to build their houses like that.. and i have more clues than how many times michael jackson modified his face that the previous tenant before me was a girl.. as there's 2 left over soft-toys that's big enough to be my sandbags, and a disco-light look-alike electronic device that could projects star shaped light in many colors..

This room is big.. and cheap, as i found out bout this place through one of my long lost friends (bout 10 years friendship?), and i am moving in here living with him, his girlfriend, his friend and her boyfriend.. so yes, i am currently living with 2 couples under 1 roof.. not to forget a pulmonerian (that breed of dog.. u know what i mean.. i am just too lazy to revise up the actual spelling for it) that named "Orchie" or Occhi (pronounced as Oh-Chee).

Much to my liking, i've been staying inside my room for quite abit, not because i am anti-social or whatever, but mostly because i am a lil too busy with my thesis, some extra stuffs, as well as i am being targetted by that little devil in the house. For, everytime i am out of the room, trying to get my feet to the bathroom or anywhere, he will come out and make the effort to guard me around.. as if i am gonna steal his dog biscuits or something.. and did i not forget to mention that, he's pretty hmm.. outgoing as a dog.. as in he barks alot... But seriously, the main reason here is the workload

Well, the feeling to work right next to your bed isn't that bad (perhaps a little too comfy). Sometimes, when i am a little too free and when i stare across the room looking at the space in the middle of the room from the 15% space that has been occupied by me, i really felt like bringing something in to fill up the space.. maybe a pool table or something (yea it's big enough to fit one, along with 2 stools maybe).. But oh well, i will only be here till July (regardless of whether i decided to stay in Aus or moving back or going else where), so.. hmm i guess not.

Now, here's some pics, i will post up the pics of the little devil when i get the chance to do so (as i need to be so quick and agile like a squirrel in order to rival with its reflexes)

here ya go:

Yeah, the carpet near the fireplace has some stains.. not sure what it was, but definitely not any of my by-products

here you can see many of the leftovers by the previous tenant, and the kickass cabinet nicely crafted to keep chinese herbs

it may not be that convincing, but this unoccupied piece of space is really big enough to fit a pool table

the creepiest thing in the room, i dare not open and see what's inside of it...

P.S- when the wind blows through the chimney.. the glass of the fireplace will make some funny sound.. and it almost convinced me that the fireplace/chimney is half haunted or something along that line

Ok... So i found a place

2007-03-15T15:09:00.000+08:00

After a big fat circle, i've finally found a place to stay, till july at least. I got to know this place through a friend (who's staying there as well), a friend whom i know for almost 10 years and kinda lost contact in the middle, and thank god i contacted him back. And so, i will be moving in tonight, say in 2 hours time, busy packing up now and so on. Will update more bout the new place soon, when i am settled in. Spoiler: it's huge..!!!

Joke...

2007-03-14T13:35:00.000+08:00

is a short story or series of words spoken or communicated with the intent of being laughed at or found humorous by either listener/reader or performer/writer. A practical joke differs in that the humor is not verbal, but mainly physical (e.g. throwing a custard pie in the direction of somebody's face, squeezing toothpaste on someone's lips when he/she is sleeping, etc).

Jokes are performed either in a staged situation, such as a comedy in front of an audience, or informally for the entertainment of participants and onlookers. The desired response is generally laughter, although loud groans are also a common response to some forms of jokes, such as puns and some lame ass stories... (which are obviously fictional in many sense..)

Laughter is an effect that arises if a tense expectation is transformed into nothing

"An Indian at an Englishman's table in Surat saw a bottle of ale being opened, and all the beer, turned to froth, rushed out. The Indian, by repeated exclamations, showed his great amazement. - Well, what's so amazing in that? asked the Englishman. - Oh, but I'm not amazed at its coming out, replied the Indian, but how you managed to get it all in. - This makes us laugh, and it gives us a hearty pleasure. This is not because, say, we think we are smarter than this ignorant man, nor are we laughing at anything else here that it is our liking and that we noticed through our understanding. It is rather that we had a tense expectation that suddenly vanished..."

To me, laughter has a specific function related to the human brain (oh, duh, everything's related to the brain). Jokes and laughter are mechanisms for the brain to learn nonsense (that's what i believe). For that reason, that's why jokes are usually not as funny when you hear them repeatedly. Our brains work like computer, it recognize patterns and give it a match to it everytime something related appeared upon our eyes/senses. When a familiar connection is disrupted and an alternative unexpected new link is made in the brain via a different route than expected, then laughter occurs as the new connection is made. This theory explains a lot about jokes (ok, that sounds like.. simple?)

Why jokes are only funny the first time they are told: once they are told the pattern is already there, so there can be no new connections, and so no laughter.

Why jokes have an elaborate and often repetitive set up: The repetition establishes the familiar pattern in the brain. A common method used in jokes is to tell almost the same story twice and then deliver the punch line the third time the story is told. The first two tellings of the story evoke a familiar pattern in the brain, thus priming the brain for the punch line.

Why jokes often rely on stereotypes: the use of a stereotype links to familiar expected behavior, thus saving time in the set-up.

Why jokes are variants on well-known stories (eg the genie and a lamp): This again saves time in the set up and establishes a familiar pattern.

Jokes often depend on the humor of the unexpected, the mildly taboo (which can include the distasteful or socially improper), or playing off stereotypes and other cultural beliefs. Many jokes fit into more than one category.

Jokes are meant to be stress reliever, pleasure invoker, laughter inducer, even when sometimes involved the embarassment of a certain victim.. Oh well, i can continue writing bout it until the next morning, there's just so much in my mind that i would like to share.. but due to time constrain and everything, i have to go now, and just one last point...

Showing off your wealth by burning your friends (not yours!!) original dvd games and attempted to cover it up by saying you're drunk ain't no fCking joke!!!

*sob...

Finding a house not quite a home

2007-03-10T20:09:00.000+08:00

A home is a place where a person or family lives, perhaps spends much of their time, or where a person is comfortable being. While a house (or other residential dwellings) is often referred to as a home, the concept of "home" is broader than a physical dwelling. Home is often a place of refuge and safety, where worldly cares fade and the things and people that one loves becomes the focus. Many people think of home in terms of where they grew up, or a time rather than a place.

Since it can be said that humans are generally creatures of habit, the state of a person's home has been known to physiologically influence their behavior, emotions, and overall mental health. For example, in the introduction to the film Patch Adams, the concept of "home" is compared to the human need for peaceful sanctuary and the absence of it thus leading to restlessness. Such restlessness, as can be seen by that particular case, may lead to depression and, ultimately, to a loss of sanity. That's just what's in my mind, and to me, for my current situation where i am looking for an accommodation fit enough to curate my physical beings for the next 5-6 months at least, i won't called my next house "home", yet.. at least.

From the morning of 8th March, 2007, till 10th of March, 2007, i've been looking around for a dwelling which suits my criteria, budget as well as my personality (:p, i will never wanna stay in a house with deep maroon paints.. no way!). Well, instead of looking at the entire house, i am aiming for just a room, and again it skew down the whole bullcraps that i spent so much time typing about. Anyway, just so you know, i am still homeless or.. "house"-less at the moment.. sighz...

After so long..

2007-02-14T01:30:00.000+08:00

After so long, i decided to blog again.. Not because i am bored or what, but mainly because i wasn't quitting in blogging but more like being distracted with many other things and entertainments in Malaysia could really consume my time like a hungry bulldog (i wish i have 30 hrs per day sometimes).

Now, after awhile, after i somehow finished what i need to do (back here in malaysia), and when i finally back to my normal self where i have at least 2-3 hrs spare time per day to rejuvenate and calm down my mind, here i am, to blog.. again..

Anyway, i write because i wish, i love, and i prefer to (to express myself in many ways), and not because i urge to lure more people to come and witness my blog or what.. that's not my intention to blog (though, sometimes when you accidentally created something nice, you do have that kind of urge to show it to the world.. but yea, that's not all that important).

Now, let's come back to what happened to me lately, well... I am really involved in gaming lately.. due to some new contents and some other commitment that i've already invested before, however, that doesn't mean i lost my life and devoted myself to the virtual cult (which need some time for my parents to realize and understand that). Aside from gaming, i do go out, socialize, do this do that.. refurbish my social connection, expand and pre-plan abit for my future career and so forth. Sometimes, when i look at others with their intimate partners (be it boyfriend/girlfriend), i would ask myself, "do i feel the loneliness now, since i m still single?" "do i have someone to turn to if i really do feel that?" and so on..

I do have several relationships before, be it official, secretive, occasional or even "accidental" (lol), and sometimes i feel that i am more happy to stay single at times, and vice versa.. at times as well. Well, everything has its extremes, and it's same for intimate relationship and so on.. it's not as simple as describing it like a ping pong game or soccer that's linear in direction, rather.. it's pretty much multi-dimensional and involved alot of external factors which complicate things well as bad as what i am trying to confuse you (whoever that's reading this now) with silly metaphoric comparisons. I havent been dating/seeing anyone for some time now, i cant quite remember was I with someone during last valentine, but i am pretty sure that i will be spending the night alone tomorrow (maybe with some other friends that are not related to this topic at all) and strangely, i don't feel sick, lonely and any negative feelings.. (Well, maybe i did too many things last time, and it's time for me to stay still for 2-3 years.. lolx)

Anyway, happy valentine's to those who celebrates it, congratulate to those who believes that you've found your soulmate, please continue to believe that and make it happen, and here's a piece of poem i wrote years ago that i would like to share with anyone who cares to read it.

"Replacement"

Cupid The messenger of Love,
The symbol of love above,
Knowing you are busy at this time of year,
Please bring lost ones cheer.

To hearts which pine,
Guide these lost ones,
Show the right signs.
They shall find who they seek,

Oh Cupid just give them a little peek,
Join these two souls into one,
With no aimless shots that allowed the love to leak
Unto some unworthy preeks that deserved a depressing monday night

Oh god, oh lord, or whatever I should called you
Spare me a chance to be your servant
To replace the tired cupid that seems to lose his cue
As he seriously misunderstood ur meaning

Of bringing fortune and misfortune to people
And the differences between matching and playing
Since he flirts around like blowing bubbles
Please, spare me a chance to be the replacement

Just for this year.. at least

~tata

Love and Romance

2006-11-28T21:20:00.000+08:00

Romance and romantic both derive from the Latin romanice meaning "in the Roman manner". Uses in English vary widely by subject and context. Romantic love is a form of love that is often regarded as different from mere needs driven by sexual desire, or in common term - lust. Romantic love generally involves a mix of emotional and sexual desire, as opposed to platonic live. There is often, initially, more emphasis on the emotions than on physical pleasure.

Romantic love can be returned or unrequited. In the former case, the mutual expressions of love can lead to marriage or to the establishment of a permanent relationship, which in most cases will include passionate sexual love. Where the love is one-sided (unrequited), the result can be damaging to their self- esteem and/or the psychological welfare of the spurned lover.

One aspect of romantic love is the randomness of the encounters which lead to love. In more modern times romantic love has been the theme of art and entertainment in all its forms. Some of the greatest poetry (e.g. Shakespear's works), opera (e.g. la boheme), and literary prose (e.g. Pride and Prejudice) has romantic love as its main theme. Similarly much of more popular culture from theater to film to popular music (pop culture) has romantic love at its heart. However, it has not been without its critics. As above mentioned, though widely believed the romantic love/relationships are unique to Western culture, it can be found in different cultures but in various different forms/styles which Western people would not immediately recognise.

Romance/romantic love have been there for long time outside of Western culture but comes in different forms/styles. Because of the recent globalisation, Western form of romantic love becomes more common and many people identify it as only the form/style of romantic love.

While romantic love as discussed above is a dream of many, some claim that such love as is depicted in books and movies rarely, if ever, occurs. They point to the modern practice of dating, where often the goal is to have sexual intercourse as soon as possible instead of building a lasting relationship. Often, the rigorous demands of careers in the modern world rob people of the time to find such ideal companions, and mental disorders such as social anxiety disorder prevent people from approaching others. In addition, the high prevalence of divorce in western society may be an additional deterrent for individuals seeking long-term, romantic relationships with the possibility of marriage. Yet while romantic love may remain no more than a dream for many, as a dream it is unquestionably a powerful influence on real-world behavior and judgments.

Now, on the other hand, what exactly is love? what is this thing called love? Love is generally a profound feeling of tender affection, or intense attraction. People in love are often considered to have "good" interpersonal chemistry in between ^^. Love is often described as a deep, ineffable feeling shared in passionate or intimate interpersonal relationship. In different contexts, however, the word love has a variety of related but distinct meanings: in addition to romantic love, which is characterized by a mix of emotional and sentimental desire, other forms include platonic love, religious love, familial love, true love and the more casual application of the term to anyone or anything that one considers strongly pleasurable, enjoyable, or desirable, including activities and foods. This diverse range of meanings in a single word is commonly contrasted with the plurality of Greek word for love, reflecting the word's versatility and complexity. Love is a term used to describe the act of having intimate feelings towards a person or to care greatly about that person.

Although clearly and consistently defining love is a difficult task, and often a subject of much debate, different aspects of the word can be clarified by determining what isn't "love." As a general expression of positive sentiment (a stronger form of like), love is commonly contrasted with hate(or neutral apathy); as a less sexual and more "pure" form of romantic attachment, love is commonly contrasted with lust; and as an interpersonal relationship with romantic overtones, love is commonly contrasted with friendship, though other definitions of the word love may be applied to close friendships in certain contexts.

n ordinary use, love usually refers to interpersonal love, an experience felt by a person for another person. Love often involves caring for or identifying with a person or thing, including oneself (Narcissism).

The concept of love, however, is subject to debate. Some deny the existence of love. Others call it a recently-invented abstraction, sometimes dating the "invention" to courtly Europe during or after the middle ages—though this is contradicted by the sizable body of ancient love poetry. Others maintain that love really exists, and is not an abstraction, but is undefinable, being a quantity which is spiritual or metaphysical in nature. Some psychologists maintain that love is the action of lending one's "boundary" or "Self-Esteem" to another. Others attempt to define love by applying the definition to everyday life.

Cultural differences make any universal definition of love difficult to establish. Expressions of love may include the love for a soul or mind, the love of laws and organizations, love for a body, love for nature, love of food, love of money, love for learning, love of power, love of fame, love for the respect of others, etc. Different people place varying degrees of importance on the kinds of love they receive. Love is essentially an abstract concept, easier to experience than to explain. Because of the complex and abstract nature of love, discourse on love is commonly reduced to a thought-terminating cliche.

Though love is considered a positive and desirable aspect of existence, love can cause a great deal of emotional harm. Consider Romeo and Juliet, Othello, Great Expectation and other classical and popular works that enumerate how love can lead to tragedy and emotional pain. In human interactions, love becomes a peril when love is not bilateral, known as Unrequited love. A further peril for individuals that love, or can love others, is that love is not enduring and that many people have psychological defense mechanism inhibit their ability to accept or reciprocate.

Alright now, these are all what i think about love and romance. And if you paid a little bit more attention, you will noticed the key and element of it which itch our human curiosity upon the field of romantic love and intimacy. A love fiction always included the ups and downs of a relationship which then uses it as a bridge to strengthen the connection links between the reader's perception towards love and the novel. Well, to me, i realized that, most people has a fair bit of interest towards unrequited love or a pathway that isn't that common in reality as compared to a smooth, cliche fairy tales. And since i am really devoted in producing a piece of fiction dedicated to romantic love, i sat down, cleared up my mind, and came up with all these. So, please put down some comment and reviews, regarding love and romance.. ^^V

2 years of bread-toast blueprinting

2006-11-27T18:11:00.000+08:00

Just a few more weeks, i am here in Adelaide, for about almost 2 years. Without a doubt, it's a pretty nice place to stay, because it's quiet, peaceful, and pretty much... Stable (except for the weather). It's just like eating toast bread, doing the same old routine, dumping it in, switch on the fuse, 2 minutes later, you get your same old bread with same old density of burn and aroma. Well, i love breads, i really do, however, i realized that i am really not that kind of person who prefer a totally stable, and linear routine's lifestyle... I need abit of turbulence or challenges in between, something to make it slightly more 'interesting' and 'happening' will do as well.. I aint complaining that my mates here do not provide me that, it's just that... the life, the facilities, the atmosphere are designed for a different set of purposes and people to stay in. Well, even though i don't quite prefer, it's fine enough to swallow and consume this piece of bread. Since i've been chewing it for 2 years already. What i am trying to say here is, hopefully i could switch to some other kind of food, soon, or at least.. maybe add a cup of coffee, that will be good enough. ^^

P.S - just a rough piece of ranting, anyway, i will back to malaysia on the 7th of December.. so i will have more than just breads then... :D

Ghostwriter

2006-11-24T16:50:00.000+08:00

A ghostwriter is a writer whose work is credited to another. Ghostwriters are often employed by celebrities to write autobiographies in situations in which the celebrities themselves may not be talented writers, or are too busy doing other work.

Many politicians also employ at least one ghostwriter to compose letters for them. Even officials with refined writing skills generally lack the time to both perform their duties, and respond to the large volume of correspondence they receive. They may, however, sign these letters themselves, or simply approve them to be autopenned. A ghostwriter is distinct from a speechwriter, who writes public remarks for an official, although both jobs may be done by a single person.

Other writers are also employed, with proper billing, by authors whose names alone will sell a book, such as Tom Clancy, many of whose recent works bear the names of two persons on their covers -- Clancy's name in larger print and the other author's name in smaller print. Sometimes a professional writer will receive partial credit, signified by "with" or "as told to". Credit may also appear as a "thanks" in a foreword or introduction. Strictly speaking, if the less famous writer's role and name are clearly acknowledged in the work as published, this is not ghostwriting but collaboration.

Just because a book is ghostwritten does not necessarily mean that the credited author did not make a significant contribution to the work; a ghostwriter is often employed to polish and edit existing material, or to work directly with the credited author to shape the book from start to finish. The opposite, however, is also often true.

Alright, now, the reason why i brought this term up, isn't because i inspired to become one or hire anyone for the job, no! But, recently, actually 2-3 days ago, someone approached me for this line of job. I was a little bit shocked, when i received the email from another country (somewhere in Asia), intended to poach my poetic capability, sell it and credited to some other artists or whatnot. At first, i thought it was another hoax or scam, though the letter looks convincing with proper link to the firm's website and everything were pretty much detailed. So, i just replied with a brief respond, and if they're serious bout it, they're free to contact my mobile. And they did....

Well, of course i rejected it, though they promised good money and some other fantabulous terms, but... as a writer of some sort, fame may not be something that's truly important (which a ghostwriter sacrifice it all), pride and proper acknowledgment however is vital to a writer's principles. It very much depends on how you perceive the job and nature of a writer, and their aims and objectives. Nonetheless, i am not regretting on rejecting their offer, as of now. As i am not desperate for money yet, in any time soon. And i wouldn't wanna abandon my own dignity and principle in order to 'enhance' others words and gets no recognition and rot on one end.

Cheers ^^V

Alternative pet choice

2006-11-21T22:23:00.000+08:00

Shih Tzu has been my favorite pet choice (dog) for many many years.. well recently, i've discovered some new feelings for another breed of dog..... = Welsh Corgi.

Nothing much to say bout them.. just watch the video, and you will understand why..

Click here

Just a figure

2006-11-18T21:35:00.001+08:00

Still remember.. bout a week ago or so, i had an online conversation with a friend. The discussion started off with some really broad and typical topics such as "how's life over there" "what are you doing" and all that sort. However, as the time go on, we began to talk about more sentimental stuffs, when we touched on intimate relationships, boy-girl interactions, etc. Suddenly, she popped me a question, "Do you prefer to have a relationship with someone younger than you or elder?". Well, this isn't a completely new question that someone has asked me before. According to her observation, as well as general assumption based on general media, upbringing, and other sources of info, most guys "prefer" to go out with younger female, while she also said she read it in some articles (lol, don't think it's refereed) that 20% of the guys (21-30 yrs old sample) ONLY choose to go out with younger girls, bout 40% "prefer" to, 15% don't care, and the rest were categorized under "others".

Well, when i heard that from her.. I cant stop laughing.. anyway, it's pretty obvious that those stats are definitely bull and wont be much of a reference, however, to be frank i think the stats isn't that far apart from the actual trend if someone could actually supply a complex research onto the contemporary trend. For me, "age" is merely just a figure, it might be sensitive to some individuals (both male n female), but to me it's nothing more than a piece of evidence that proves your physical existence. So, i don't really include chronological age as part of my criteria (if i actually have one) of looking for possible partner. Nonetheless, my friend insisted to seek out an answer from me, as in, she kinda forced me to choose 1 definite answer, a) younger? b) elder? No in between, same age or anything of that sort.. Well, since she insisted, i gave her my answer. b)

Fundamentally, her question is pretty tricky to answer, as it actually fluctuate along your lifeline. Imagine, a guy who's 28, if he's dating a girl who's 6 yrs younger than him, say 22, it sounds completely reasonable, however, if that guy is only 22 yrs old and the same situation apply to him, meaning he's dating a 16 years old girl, well, then it will seemed to be abnormal and out of the ordinary. Strangely, same effect applies to the same scenario, with just the switch of gender role, say 28 yrs old female dating a 22 yrs old male, social pressures along with stereotypes will haunt the couple from several angles and in various forms. It's weird isn't it?
How powerful a culture has, and how much it affects our perception and how we look at majority of occurrences in our daily lives.

Personally, to be honest, if for some reasons, i have the chance to choose, i really prefer to date a female who's elder than me. Although there isnt a direct positive correlationship between chronological age and mental age, i believe that there is a certain skew towards that direction, and mature females has something that the youngster do not practice, yet. Well, that's just basically my personal thoughts, part and pieces of it that i am willing to disclose here. And yes, it's obvious that, to me, mental age > chronological age. For now, since i am 21 yrs old (already.. lolx), my tolerance should be about >5<> chronological age, and you can possibly find more substance out of a mentally matured individual than a naive individual. Till now, i don't think i've ever.. gone out with anyone younger than me.. i think.. yea.. lolx. Not to say i have the tendency to fall for elder female, but i don't deny there's a certain relation that leads me to that. Anyway, elder, younger or not, those are just words that we used to converse information with each other, it's just a symbol of articulation that made up the meaning for better understanding, i don't think that's important as to what you looking for in a potential partner, but something within her, something more than physical attributes and chronological appearances.

Not sure why i decided to disclose this amount of info bout myself here, probably just a way to release part and pieces of my inner stagnant gouge. Anyway, along with this post, i attached a piece of my poem that i wrote illustrating aging in a woman's pov. Cheers..

Hourglass

Bearing herself, like a pale yellow moon

Odd, but precisely so, the truest Queen

Whose lurid beauty would enflame

Great casualty or festering odium

Transient, versifier of raven wings

Pending cleric of a renounced god

This diffused luminary, too far away

A reverie whose prevailing pallid monarchy

Is just that, aspired?

Misshapen convex, a knot, a fray

So sure they were of this final stretch

Clutched this maiden in hidden prayers

Before her all was sand.

Prophylactic

2006-11-17T22:34:00.000+08:00

Every once in awhile, i will discover words that i think it's pretty cool or worthwhile to pay a note to it. Prophylactic, for instance, is one of them. I came across this odd looking wordings with the total count of 11 roman alphabets, 4 intonations and it's an adjective by nature. It's pronounced as PRO - fft - lack - tick = Prophylactic. It carry 2 major meanings:

1) guarding from or preventing the spread or occurrence of disease or infection
2) tending to prevent or ward off : Preventive.

Well, it simply means a counteract for a certain entities/issues/infections/diseases/etc . It can be used in a sentence such as " Such cohesion acts as a prophylactic against her enemies". I find the word pretty catchy, and it sounds cool, you know. Furthermore, it's considered as an unique term or wording that one will use in daily conversation, even in advanced literature forms. Anyway, this will soon to be one of my habits, as to jotting down interesting words and phrases and posting it up here. As, i think by doing so, it's like laying down a fine framework for my future writing, regardless of the forms.

Cheers ^^v

Urge to perform

2006-11-16T23:46:00.000+08:00

For those who obtained no clue as onto how my current biological rhythm and chronological cycle, let me tell you this, i normally only go to bed at 4-9am depending on my mood swing and workload. However, for the past 5days-1week probably, i had loads of innerlog with myself (don't worry i am not crazy, yet) and my sleeping time shifted to bout 9am-10am every morning. And so, my "day" starts at bout 4-5pm, well it's not at all just negative to me, as i am always a night person, and i just cant work things out (assignment wise) during normal day time. Forgive me, if this clashes with your point of view or causes any discomforts or urge to scold a young man like me. Feel free if you must.

Alright, anyway, i shall go straight to the point of this post. As i said before, i "talked" to myself alot recently, i am still in a pretty functionable mood, but deep inside i feels that i am losing bits of me as time goes by. And, hence, the deep discussion with myself, attempted to discover and identify the missing links that causes this upset. It was tough, it wasn't anywhere near easy, to slowly dissect every and any possible reasons from various angles, especially when you're analyzing yourself. It was tough, what's more difficult that trying to identify, is to digest and further verify whether is it true, or was it just part of my imagination.

And so, during the process, many things flashed through my mind, relationships (both successful and unsuccessful ones), friendships, career opportunities, family, anxiety towards everything and everyone that i care for, etc. I took a look at all these things.. materials that are more "tangible" at means, i realized, these are not the problems. It's true that all these things, at some points in my life, does provides me some thrills and despairs, sometimes... But it mainly acted just like a trigger, of something deeper that lies further beneath me.

I had conversations with few of my friends, and talked bout something relevant with my sister, etc, i tried talking to both really close friends and some that still need more time to get to know each other, to see whether i could benefit from their feedbacks. The results wasn't that optimistic. Negative is what i can obtained. And so, my debate and discussion with myself continues.

Till now, almost everything happens in my life have been worked out pretty smooth, even though it might not near perfect or good, it was pleasant. However, i still feel sad at times, as if something is missing (And hey, that feeling isn't much of loneliness or being horny, it's something different and more than that). And so, i came to a rough conclusion, at least, a guideline to finding the answers, which is - i am not satisfied with who i am, yet.

There's something in me that keep on pushing, as if someone's saying,"this is not the person i longed to become, I don't like this "you", i need more of "something", etc". With that, a slightly clearer path has been prepared for me by my thoughts, and so i just walk around the park along the theme of "satisfaction" and "dissatisfaction", what makes me satisfied and happy as a person and what makes me not.

I took myself out of the house, yesterday night, for a run, at a time where everyone were still asleep. Maybe i shouldn't call it a run, but more like... a walk. And yes, for those who know me well, i walked to the city alone, at such dangerous hours.. again. But it helps. It really does.

It cleared up my mind a lil bit, wiping off assumptions and blindspots that i prepared for the hide and seek game with myself. I was the one who took the missing piece of the puzzle away. I was the one who pushed too hard for it, and wasted a portion of my life. And then, a slight hint to my solution, i have the urge... I have the urge to perform, to do something of remembrance. To achieve and create something that will be known by others, not just the surroundings... but something more than that.

I shall work harder for that. Cheers..

New direction?

2006-11-16T03:01:00.000+08:00

Had a conversation with my sister - Juei, was talking about my urge to write, my desire to express my thoughts, and everything in literature forms. And she probed a very good question, "Why poetry?". To be honest, i stumbled a little before i began to recollect my mind and toss back a sorta solid reply. Frankly speaking, poetry is a form of literature that presents itself with a series of limits, both personally and universally.

It's bound to the limitation of physical space, both word lengths and supply of cues. However, that at the same time served as one of the wonders why people still write poetry. Due to the limitation provided, it allows more space for the readers to further interpret and relate it regardless of whether there's actually an aim or not that planted within the poem.

To me, poetry is a pretty abstract way of presenting your thinking and addressing ideas and issues in a vague manner. You gets straight forward poems too, some times.. and angst-y lyrics that claims to stand alongside the platform of poetry. Unlike, fictions, stories, novels, poetry don't speak by itself, it speaks through your own imagination and interpretation. There isn't a single aim in a piece of poem, some times, and due to the limited space, the given dimension skewed down to 2 extreme decisions, 1) i don't understand, 2) I don't understand, but i think it could mean this. In poetry, no one can truly 100% understands what the writer is trying to express, as, often there's a substantial amount of emotion and personal experience embedded into that squared, stanza structured piece of writing. It's like an open ended question, but not quite a question. It doesn't aimed to probe, but rather, just to express on its end. A reply from the other side of the tunnel or not, doesn't really matter.

Well, at least, that's what i think. I love poetry, and i still do, i love reading it, decoding it, encoding it, creating one, play around with it, etc. However, recently, maybe due to a long break of not showing my work to the public, there's something in me that says, i want to share my work with more people, not just around me, but maybe even to the world or so on. So, then i asked myself, is poetry still the ideal method of reflecting my thoughts, or should i attempt, at least to express my words through other school of linguistic usage? And probably, this time i could carved in more essence based on my own creativity by not producing materials that generally needs to draw more of the reader's imagination.

Yeah, i think, i mean it this time.. I had a few attempts at fiction. Mainly, contemporary materials, such as thrillers, suspends, etc. For this try.. i thought of giving myself a new challenge, which is to attempt on something that i am pretty much alienated from it. And yes, i chose romance, or.. sort of, as the genre of my upcoming fiction. Pray for my persistence, if you wish to see the end result of it being produced.

cheers

The emptiness within

2006-11-16T01:23:00.000+08:00

A shell of a young woman traipses across the grounds

Head down in mourning for herself

No one watches as the hot tears fall down her pallid cheeks

She has turned her face from the sun

Away from the god that was supposed to protect her glass heart

From the heartbreak of having to watch love walk away

She has to watch others take hold of what she once possessed

Arms embrace other bodies of loved ones as eyes glance over

Shyly at lovers standing across the hotel hallway

While she remains empty

No feeling in her soul

The Apostles of my pathways

2006-11-15T03:26:00.000+08:00

Speak in tongues, my darling.

Tell them everything you know.

Loyalty never mattered more.

Kiss me as you leave, my darling.

Was it worth it for the silver

that slips between your fingers?

The prize is yours, my darling.

But will you ever sleep again?

Give yourself to shame, my love.

Deny my name, don’t be afraid.

Honesty never mattered more.

Don’t weep as you leave, my love.

Was it all worth it for your life

That slowly slips away from you?

The lies are yours, my love.

But will you ever sleep again?

Denial. Crucifixion.

All of it comes in threes.

Thrice before the cock crows.

Because you are my Peter.

Touch my wounds, my sweet.

It’s alright, it doesn’t hurt now.

But trust never mattered more.

Stigmata follows me, my sweet.

Was it worth your scepticism

That somehow slipped away?

The truth is yours, my sweet.

Can you live with yourself?

Doubt. No faith.

But you’re wise now.

If only you’d believe me.

Because you are my Thomas.

Betrayal. Suicide.

I have sold my soul.

From me, yours fatefully.

Yours severely, your Judas.

P.S - this is actually one of my old pieces, just thought bout it recently and gave it a revamp.

Evolution

2006-11-14T17:54:00.000+08:00

When an insect/bug is sick of its habitat, due to their physical component and various biochemical elements, they often morph or mutated and changes their body functions. For other entities that has slower rate of physical adoption, they move away or change the environment, like birds which switches their nests, and human that clear off the forest and build their own apartments. These phenomenons are pretty much universal to everyone and everything, in numerous variations:
1) change yourself
2) change the surroundings
3) or move away

For my case, i realized that my old blog was dead.. pretty much.. or rather.. paralyzed. I decided to abandon it and look for a new nest, at the same time, i felt that i myself changed a little bit over time, and therefore i chose this solution. I won't waste the virtual cyberspace, i will delete it once i have the time (my old blog), and from now on, stay tune to this spot, right here, for more fredbrication out of my imagination.

P.S - this site will be featuring both my daily entries about anything and everything that comes into my mind that i felt it's worthy enough to earn a space here, and also my poetry.

Cheers